notice to all readers

Just to say I'm thinking of making this blog invite only. That means I can only have 100 readers! Haha- well, I'm sure I have less than that, but then I haven't been writing anything because I've gone a bit self-conscious about who's reading what. So, anyone who wants to keep in touch with my ramblings had better let me know and make sure I have your email address. By the way, if you're reading this and have commented before, then I will accept you- it's just those lurking ones that bother me!

And if nobody does then I'll just be talking to myself! No change there then...

bike riding and other stuff

Ok so the summer holidays are going by way too fast. I've lost count but I think we're over halfway through now. We did spend the first few weeks taking it easy, lolling around at home, etc.

I went to the ME clinic, which totally wiped me out, being, in a cruel ironic coincincidence, sitiated at the end of the universe, AKA Seacroft. Anyway I finally got the letter today- yes, I officially have CFS/ME. Fortunately the homeopath didn't have to go through such a long-winded proceedure of diagnosis, and in the meantime has treated me, and I am now so much better I am able to have a relatively normal existence, go on picnics and walks, stay up all day without having a nap, do housework and gardening, etc. This may be a temporary relief, but it's better that no relief at all.

Yesterday I finally achieved part of my mission for the holidays: to get the boys riding bikes. We live on such a steep hill that the thought of taking two non-bike-riders out at all has been too off-putting. Yesterday afternoon we went to the park with bikes, which we have left in town so we don't have to carry them up the hill again. I did enough running about holding Fergus's saddle while he cycled round the grass, saying, "Im gonna fall, I'm gonna fall!", and they got ice creams, and Freddie fell over and I had to take him back, where I promptly fell asleep for two hours.

Anyway they've just been doing their scrap-books. Fergus showed me his food collage, with the word FOOD spelled out in pictures of knives. They have done quite a bit of spontaneous activity like this, like the sort of thing they used to do when they were at home all the time. I sometimes dread it when they get something like this out, because I think we're going to be stuck inside all day. And then I have to remind myself of their short concentraton spans and that they usually will stop after half an hour or so.
So they have now gone outside- hurray! I said we would go out afetr lunch- we need rabbit food and a light bulb for the kitchen, and the fleamarket is on... best get on with it then...

sitting on the old school bench

I just wrote this as my Facebook status:

"One more day of school, one more day of sorrow. One more day of trudging all the way there and back twice and having to deal with all the paperwork and not having any time to do anything else... we'll be free tomorrow!!! haaa 6 weeks of unstructured autonomous home education here we come :)"

So yeah, I think I do have some thoughts and opinions about school and the whole education issue at the moment, and I suppose this is inevitable, this being the last day of our first year at school, I've been pondering quite a bit about the whole thing.

This isn't really Fergus's normal school attire, by the way, it's the school play, which was about evacuees, which was, incidentally an impressive fully blown, quite literally, all singing all dancing, production, featuring "key stage 2" children, all of the year 6 leavers having substantial parts featuring solo and duet songs, performed beautifully. This is in contrast to Joy's school leaver's show, featuring year 6 only, (about the same number of children, about 50) who did fairly impressive dance numbers, all together, but most of the children didn't get the chance to shine individually. So glad the boys are at the smaller school, which has a lot of time for music, singing, drama, etc, eg, all the classes do musical instrument lessons all together, as part of the normal day, not tagged on for the elite few who can afford it, as if it isn't really that important.

OKAY... this is where I write all the stuff that's been on my mind...ahem, ahem, take a deep breath... I can't remember any of it! Well I just read this post, which reminded me of something I wrote a while back, about it getting to the holidays, and expecting the streets to be full of children and suddenly it feels like a ghost town after the pied piper has been... What's happening now is the 6 weeks holidays are about to begin and I am so looking forward to not being restrained by the structure of the school day.
One of the reasons I sent them to school in the first place was my lack of energy, which I have now reallised is ME, and feeling incapable of giving the children what they needed. I was getting depressed as I was unable to keep up with the activities, other home-ed families, etc, as I often didn't have the energy to leave the house. This was fine on one level, as the boys were happy enough "just pottering" and Joy was riding a lot. But it was quite isolating; all attempts I made at networking on a much smaller area proved very difficult. We needed the wider area to find like-minded people- not all home educators are the same, and if there's a few in your area your'e not necessarily going to get on with them, especially when there's 4 of you. Anyway, I was struggling for whatever reason, and a bit depressed. I thought it was now or never, etc, etc. The point is, taking them to school at first was great for me. The routine was good for my head and I got out and mixed with a lot more people, had time to do things like do my house up, etc. But I got ill, for months and months I was ill, and by the new year I was run down. By February I was no longer able to walk to school and back every day. By April I reallised I had ME and decided to get a proper diagnosos this time (7 years after I first had the tests done). So, anyway, that's another story, but the end result for me after a year of school is I have an appoinment at the ME clinic next week. I can't quite work out whether school has had a good, bad or ambivolent effect on this, I'm still working that one out. But, one thing I do know: Not having to take them for 6 weeks is going to be a real relief. It's routines I struggle with, physically, as I have very erratic, unpredictable energy levels.
From the kids' point of view though, that's fine: if mummy's having a bad day (which shouldn't be so often now if she's not having to force herself out when she really isn't up to it), it's ok; we can potter about in the house. We can play in the garden. We can feed ourselves (shock, horror), well, an 11 or 8 year old can make sure a 5 year old has had breakfast, can even bring mummy a cup of tea if necessary. Mummy can take her time getting up, can make lunch and tea, will probably make something quite wholesome if she's not used up most of her energy on the school run. (Maybe I have overdone the school-run sociallising, it can be quite tiring in itself).

So, on the minus side, yeah, school can be quite hard work for us all- having to be forced into that routine. Just thinking I should look at the good and bad points really. But it's a double-edged sword (keep wanting to use this metaphor and it seems like the wrong one- like if it was a sword with good and bad bits, what would the good bit be like?), I mean, I do get the chance for naps and rest during the day, but then if I wasn't rushing out at 8.30 every day would I actually neep a nap at all?
I am now doing the school run in the car, which I hate and promised myself I would never do and I think it's bad for the children, but for the last 6 months I have been unable to walk it more than once a week, if that. Having said that we travelled to home-ed meetings in the car, but not every day.
We never have time to do anything: they are mainly too tired and just want to blob when they get home. They only have every other weekend with me so when they do they very eagerly get out the toys and games, but play on the computer quite a lot in the evenings.
I haven't really noticed any detrimental effects on the children, but was a bit disturbed by the school reports: Fergus has made great progress with reading but is pressurizing himself to "catch up" and I have to get him to slow down quite a bit. He seems to do better when he's reading inetersting books about stuff, which he's started to do, than plodding through the reading scheme. His writing is still "working towards expected standards for his age". They are still getting him to do joined up, even though the Ed Psyc agreed that this isn't the best way for some children to learn- maybe we will do something different during the holidays. There doesn't seem to be much scope for him to be acknowledged or develop the his strengths, which he certainly has, although the teacher does say he is very good, personality wise, and contributes much to lessons in his own way.
The same with Joy- amazingly she has reached average and above standards in all subjects, and has managed to "absorb much of the primary school curriculum" in one year. No acknowledgement of how amazing she is, how independant and self-motivated, and skilled in stable craft and equitation, not to mention graphic design and IT. Maybe they don't see this, but the school report can appear to be an all-round judgement, like that's a summary of all your child has acheived, when actually it's just like a driving test, ie, you are/are not good enough to do this particular thing, based on our essentially flawed system of assessment. Confidence was something else that cropped up, which surprised me, as she is very confident, but hey, being plungled amongst 50 other kids the same age, who've all been there for years, she's bound to have struggled a bit. They didn't mention that - I think she's done really well.

OK. Rant over. Let's just quickly run through the plus points (as it's nearly school-run time-argh!). OK they have learned lots, especially in literacy skills. The others were doing fine, but Fergus would not have got this far at home- I don't think he was ready. Friends- yes, lots of friends in and out of school. The routine has been quite good in some respects- we know what we're doing one day to the next, no roller-coaster rides there. Me- I've had time to do stuff in the house and they have lovely new bedrooms now. They are doing perhaps a broader range of things that they might not have tried out of choice, eg music, dance, sports. They all seem quite happy; Joy said last night home education was boring and she's looking forward to high school.

I might have missed a few points. maybe I need a list. Or a mind-map. :)

Yeah, stuff I've been wanting to write about for ages about what they have been doing at home- the home education continues; maybe that's another story...

to blog or not to blog

....that is the question.
...ok that was really not funny. I'm struggling: keep wanting to blog but don't know whether to start a new one or just carry on, or both... Don't ever seem to get the time to actually write down what is in my head and it's going to explode if I don't soon.
OK I'm just going out for a bit of fresh air, may even have a shower and get dressed, then I'll see. I am laid up with the laptop due to ME and sore neck/shoulder, so there should be some scope for writing at some point...

out-voted

I was sitting in "the little park", (the one with the pirate ship), at about 4pm today, having a conversation with a 39-week pregnant mother of two, about the merits of pacing oneself so there is enough energy left for the childrens' bedtime. I can relate to this, as so often have I had a lull of energy round about that time. I didn't manage it today. I was in bed at 7pm, and called to the boys at 8 telling them it was bedtime and they took themselves off to bed. Joy called me to ask if she could stay a bit later to see a new pony and I said that was fine, as long as she had a lift back before bedtime. I just sent her off to bed, slightly disgruntled, explaining that I was tired and stressed and needed some time on my own, after lying in bed too wound up to go to sleep. I then relented, on finding the jeans I had bought her in Oxfam, and took them up to her, apologising. The tiredness could have had a lot to do with the two miles I walked, to school and back this afternoon, which seems to be more than my ME-induced exercise intolerance can take. (More on this another time, I think.) The stress was a lot to do with the meeting that broke in half the first mile of my walk...

The meeting took place today, which was to decide on whether to allow the take-over of the ailing playgroup by a private business, to turn the Arts Centre into a preschool for 4 mornings a week. Despite my bringing in a recently dormant member of the committee, who someone had conveniently forgotten to inform me (as secretary of arts centre), had expressed the desire to remain on the committee and continue to receive emails, I was outvoted, in what can only be described as a fiasco or foregone conclusion. The chair had phoned round the older members of the committee, who had all agreed on the decision. The chair was patiently listened to while he spouted his misinformed, misjudged opinions. His only reasons for allowing the takeover, were that it was a "continuum" of the playgroup, and that it would help the centre apply for funding (which is not necessarily true). The older committee members nodded in agreement. I waited for my turn to comment on what he had said, whilst taking minutes.

Next came my returned committee member full of lots of creative ideas for filling the centre with community-led, family based activities, which all complied with the vision we had all agreed on a year ago, including a community cafe, activities for young children alongside their parents, also things for teenagers and old people. Home-educators who are already active in the centre voluntarily running crafts markets and cafes, when they can get a rare slot, were cited as people who had expressed an interest in managing these activities. This was all accompanied with impatient sighs from the older committee members. (When I say older, I am referring to old hippies who ran wholefood co-ops and went to art college in the 1970's and 80's).

I think I had a minute or possibly two before I was shouted down, by all of the older members in turn. By the time I had the chance to make some points, referring to the minutes of the meeting with the playgroup, (trying to remain calm there) after several attempts, one of the members left (20 minutes into the meeting) saying she had already made her vote. One of the other members actually agreed with everything I said about government moves to force single parents to work and place children in childcare. I didn't actually use such emotive words as that, I was trying to focus on the positive of the alternative, ie, community based, inclusive local facilities, but she was aware of my opinions. The Chair actually was shouting at me and got personal, asking me where my money came from, which I refused to answer, as it is irrelevant. I was trying to remain calm, get my points across, whilst keeping minutes. It was impossible.

I had not been informed that this meeting had a time limit, but after half an hour we were hustled into a vote, which wasn't done officially, just everyone knew where everyone else stood.
The chair mentioned something about a consensus, which he obviously doesn't know the meaning of ("Consensus decision-making is a group decision making process that not only seeks the agreement of most participants, but also the resolution or mitigation of minority objections. Consensus is usually defined as meaning both general agreement, and the process of getting to such agreement.") I pointed out that a vote of 2:3, where there are wildly differing opinions, and no resolution of these differences has been attempted, is not a consensus decision. Somewhere in the constitution it is probably stated that decisions are to be made my vote, although this has never happened in the last few years that I have been on the committee.

The Chair even asked me if I was doing taichi tomorrow, to which I shook my head and said I wasn't speaking to him. Not because I didn't get my own way, which I could just about handle, but the process by which it was achieved... did anyone hear the Archers the other day?

It was all a bit of a blur, and I cannot bring myself to look at my notes, but I do remember when the issue was raised of children being better off with their families, indeed families needing the support to be able to do things together, the government line of children being better off in pre-school childcare seemed to be actually believed by some of the members! "Well, they have done lots of research into it and have statistics... it's just your opinion that it's not true..." Which is when I pointed out that me and F were the only people on the committee that had young children of out own, and are therefore in touch with that part of the community, as well as having trained and worked in education. We were not listened to. The younger, newer members of the committee, the ones who have put in hours of unpaid work, even though we don't have much time on our hands. The old hippies got their status quo.

I haven't lost faith in humanity. There is an AGM next month... I wonder who I will be voting in for Chair. This may take years. But I am still quite young! I have obviously considered resigning. This whole fiasco has cost me quite a lot of stress and precious energy. ME doesn't respond very well to stress. And come September I will be voluntarily running a centre which houses a privately run preschool. I'm not sure if I can cope. But my inner determination says that all is not lost, not yet...

Anyway, I have to clear my mind of such soul-destroying thoughts before tomorrow. While I was de-stressing in the sunshine I received a text, a nice text from a nice person, and I have a date. Yes, I said date, and this time, this time, I have a feeling...

government dirty work

I'm just in a bit of a dilemma at the moment. I am on the small committee of a community centre, which is basically a hall with kitchen and storage facilities. There is a playgroup there which originally moved there when they were booted out of the council building which was no longer safe. In recent years they have gained Ofsted registration and started providing childcare provision using the Nursery Education Grant. This has now been withdrawn, as the playgroup has been floundering and has failed to pass the regulations.
I just received a forwarded email. Basically the council has approached a third party to recue the playgroup so they can continue to offer "sessions" of childcare/early years education for the NEG. This sounds to me like I am being asked to do the government's dirty work for them and I am not happy about it at all. The third party want to come in and extend the amout of time the playgroup already have and are using government doublespeak to justify their actions. What's in it for them, I wonder?
The community centre is basically a hall which can be hired out to community groups, arts classes, etc, and any one group using a huge block of time takes this provision away from the rest of the community. I feel that there is enough government funded childcare in the area, and if there isnt and the council wants more, say 100% of over 2's or 3's, then it's up to them to provide a building to house this, and not us.
The problem is the rest of the committee just don't get what problem I have with the playgroup- "well they will provide revenue", which we are not short of, by the way. I am tempted to resign if this goes ahead, but feel like I should really stick my heels in on this one. I use the room to do taichi classes and put on "family learning" events, so it will be difficult for me to just walk away.

Here is a chopped up excerpt from a frantic email I wrote to the committe last night. I havent been able to calm down since...

"I think this should be considered very carefully as it is beginning to sound like something that may not be appropriate or benificial to [the communty centre]. What was once [a] 'Playgroup' is now being refered to as a 'Preschool', the difference being that between a group of parents renting a hall to meet up with toddlers, and a government funded childcare/educational provision. Ok this has gradually developed over many years, and I know there has been some funding available here in the past. I'm just wondering how much this is really needed:

"the parents of children attending are more able to take up employment, meet others, attend an event elsewhere and their children benefit from socialising with others, accessing early years educational provision and care. They are all members of said community".
Ok in [this town] there are 6 nursery schools, 3 pre-school playgroups, 4 day nurseries and 14 childminders offering registered pre-school childcare. I'm not sure how many parent and toddler groups there are, or places parents can take their children, not that many.

How many community centres are there?
...offering flexible space to many varied community groups, and classes, with endless possibilties... not too much red tape

Are we running a community centre or a school?

I know the bulding is owned by the Labour party but this all sounds a bit New Labour to me...
ie: "accessing early years educational provision and care"... presumably most children already have this, at home.
"parents... are more able to take up employment, meet others [er children stop you doing this?], attend an event elsewhere" !!!

I'm just saying that yet more government funded childcare isn't necessarily what people need or want. There seems to be this assumption that it is a good thing and you cant knock it, but the benfits to children are highly questionable.

Another thing, which I'm not sure how true it is now, but the [ ] playgroup was the only place locally offering childare within the government funding allowance (Nursery Education Grant). They were trying and failing to do the impossible, ie provide quality childare within the budget of the NEG, which all other providerers require a top-up fee. No wonder Calderdale doesn't want them to shut down: you couldn't complan that the NEG wasn't enough as "well [ ] Playgroup offers childcare for free (ie within the NEG)".
I really dont know why they ever bothered with the ofsted thing in the first place- it can be a playgroup without having to leave your chiildren, if you want to leave them take them to a proper nursery-there's plenty of them. (sorry IMO it's never been a proper nursery- I took my 2-year old there once and he was told if he wanted to go to the toilet he had to point to a piece of paper with the word toilet written on it- he was 2. I never went back to find out whether she got her NVQ, the person in charge). OK maybe I'm wrong, maybe [this town] is crying out for yet another pre-school? But is [this community centre] the right venue?

Basically it feels to me that the nursery would end up taking over [the community centre], which I think would be a shame to lie down and let New labour get its way, ie all children in childcare as young as possible and parents back to work. No fun, no family learning, no community cafe, no community centre.

Am I over-reacting? well, I'm just wondering what this means exactly:
"...equipment and facility provision and most importantly, security and hopefully extension of the rental and tenureship of the space" "

I would very much appreciate any helpful advice- I am feeling a bit alone with this. Cheers.

reading between the lines

The boys have been storming ahead with their reading since they started school in September. I've been making an effort lately to remember to read with them every evening and really it's a pleasure as they are doing so well with it and seem to enjoy it.
The funny thing is that this is my fourth time round with the Oxford reading tree and I should know all the books off by heart by now, although, in reality they're only just beginning to sink in. Although on some subconcious level maybe I was influenced unduely by this model of a family and ended up with a girl and two boys. At the moment Biff, Chip and Kipper, coincidentally or not, are approximately equivalent in age to Joy, Fergus and Freddie (ok there are probably some experts out there that know that Biff and Chip are actually twins, but look: Biff (the girl) is bigger than Chip)...
In today's adventure Freddie all learned about the perils of letting dad attempt to go shopping (he tries to be domesticated but somehow always gets it a bit wrong), in The Foggy Day. And Fergus read all about Biff's failed battle against the sexual discrimination imposed on her by not only her teacher, but King Arthur's knights, and the Magic Key itself, who turned her into a damsel in distress when all she wanted to be was a knight. Meh...
Yes, we had a brief discussion about this afterwards... the conclusion being that this was written in 1993 and possibly we have moved on a bit since then, hopefully...
And yes, the reading was fine!