too busy to proof-read, sorry...

Its been such a busy couple of days and I'm so tired, but just to catch up:
Monday morning. O, Mondays, don't you just love them? Love them or hate them. I have to have Mondays, see? Just so that every day's not the same. I always try to make a new start in some way, or get organised. So this week i set my alarm for *mumble* o-clock- see, I'm not even telling you what time I think is early. Ok, 9 0'clock, OK. Well, at 3 nanoseconds past 9 I had the Freddie alarm, AKA the only 6 words that can get me out of bed (Mummy, can you wipe my bottom?). So that was that, no arguing with that, so I was up and making tea and porridge and before I knew it I was on my way to LIDL.

Except there were a few little other tasks to take in while we were out, which took all morning: Go to garage about the wing mirror that has been hanging off since Christmas Day and the spare tyre, which has had a puncture for a week.
Which then became: Go to scrapyard to get wing mirror and sunvisor, then turn back to get enough to pay for these items. The children were fascinated by the scrapyard experience. (Just imagine a school outing to a scrapyard! Health and safety nighmare; wouldn't get past the risk assessment form. No, it would, but just imagine that)
Also: Go to coal merchants to pay for and order more coal (so where is it?)
Go to tip to drop off outgrown clothes, which I was promised "will be sent to Africa", except they won't, we later found out.
And we had to buy rabbit food and rabbit hay and rabbit straw.
And then we went shopping.
And then we had lunch.
And then I spent all afternoon putting away the shopping, tidying the cupboards and fridge and the kitchen in general. I finished at 5, making it an 8-hour day of non-stop, so that was me for the day.

Today I was woken up even earlier by the bloke I am supposed to be doing some work for, to arrange him to drop off the work here and a powerbook, which I am to play with and which he will explain tomorrow. he apologised for waking me up, explaining that, being a home-educating mum, I would have been up since 4.30 polishing lentils.

Then I had a text from Clare about the dog I'm looking after this week and I gave up on any more sleep. Suddenly my life is full of things to do. I only just manged to fit in taking the car to the garage and picking it up around the other stuff and going to the park, in time to make tea, in time to get Joy from riding, in time for Tai Chi at 6. Where did the day go? Then i had to pick up dog after Tai chi, in time to get home so Meg could go out. Thank god for coffee.

Anyway, before I deteriorate further into meaningless rambling I must just tell you about the weekend. I went to see Chumbawamba. (This was the highlight, obviously, I won't bore you with the rest here). I so enjoyed it but am not feeling articulate enough at the moment to do it justice, but go have a listen, check out the website and lyrics, but if you really want to get what they are about check out the tour dates and go and see them- they're so good live. Well, it was on Saturday in the Trades Club, anyway.

busy day outside

We had a fun early afternoon/lunch up at Heptonstall churchyard with Yggy, etc. I think the kids got a bit wild at one point when I was concentrating on my taichi and not them, but they had a great time.

We called in at the library on the way home and they played and went on adventures with Yg till bedtime. Joy sold another bunny and Tom and Elli called in this afternoon, too.

We havent managed to track down The Goblet of Fire just yet, now Joy's finished the first three HP's. I know there are loads around, we just need one now. She just read Ottoline and the Yellow Cat at bedtime.

When I dropped Yg off I was chatting with her grandad about books and he mentioned Un Lun Dun as a fantasy that appeals to a wide range of ages. Sounds intereting; anyone heard of it?

experiments

Tuesday also got off to a good start with a spot of tai chi on the patio with TCD and Michelle. The boys got into a great session of experiments with vinegar, bicarb and fizzy vitamin tablets, in various explodable containers.

Meanwhile, I had to stand on the table to have a macro moment with this gorgeous red admiral.

peaceful Monday

Monday we were in recovery mode, and had a peaceful time up at Heptonstall church with Tai chi Dave. We went to the library on the way back, in the pouring rain: best weather for going to the library in, I always think.
I mended the zip on Joys riding chaps, with a hammer, and she polished her boots.

Joy got into Harry potter and read the first one in the space of 24 hours.

Meanwhile I made this for birthday boy, ok, a bit late, but well worth the wait I hope.

angels start the week

There were some angels in Heptonstall Church this afternoon, AKA Joy, Fergus and Freddie drawing in a pool of sunlight while I did taichi. I got to go in front and show a taichi beginner, which was quite hard, and good for me to start taking my taichi to a deeper level (apparently). And I might be doing a bit teaching, with the guidance of Tai chi Dave. Unfortunately, Elsie, my taichi baby, is now too big for baby wearing, but there will be more...

I'm so glad I've found something to start the week with as Mondays can be a bit hard, I find.

I spotted these fantastic gargoyles on the outside of the church, that I never really noticed before.

a flying pig?
flying cow
More news: Meg has come back home! hurray! I'm so happy to have her back.

By the way, has anyone listened to James Bragg (on earlier post, "music") I love it.

the weekend off

Kids went to their dad's for the weekend, so I spent Saturday afternoon doing this.

...this was after my tai chi class, on a walk above Michelle's.

I made the most of the weekend, by staying up all night talking, and having dinner with Sarah on her new table.

taichi broadsword

I should just point out that this is my seventh post of today (on this blog), so please feel free to scroll down and find something that catches your eye!







Fergus Had a tai chi broadsword lesson today. He seemed to be getting the hang of some of the moves. The figure of 8 was a bit tricky as he's not sure what an 8 is yet, but maybe this is a good way of learning it! He did coiling, forwards and backwards (helicopter style) and followed the form. Then Freddie wanted to join in, and followed Fergs really well. I think I need to get them some proper children's practice swords.
I tried to video them but got interrupted by the girls going to the post office.




It was really nice that Meg was here doing the big sister bit. She helped Joy make a poster for selling the baby rabbits (=graphic design lesson!) and they went off on their bikes with them.

tai chi, and stuff

Here is Dave with three of the Peaceful posse doing tai chi at this afternoon's workshop. It was not very well attended, but thankfully Gill managed to swell the numbers with four of hers. It was lovely to see all of them, and they've all grown (not Gill, but it was lovely to chat with her in person.) It was all lovely and chilled out, really, or is that my hearing loss making everything seem so quiet?

Dave did some animal movements, with sound effects, which was outside of my comfort zone (a bit like John Higginson's workshop), like, a bit too freeform, and, well, not my usual thing, really. But the kids really got into it- Dave was right- especially Freddie and Fergus. And we did the Swimming Dragon quigong, which I like, but we didn't do all of it. (O, I really missed last night's class, but got as far as Mel's with a clingy Freddie and gave up and drank some cider instead). After a break we did a bit of form, which a few kids actually tried to join into for a bit. They had drifted in and out of the tai chi. I think it's a bit slow for them, but I think some kids do get into doing taichi.

Afterwards I took my lot to the park, but Dave was too tired and ratty to cope with the playpark, (well, so was I, but hey, I do it anyway, and I just wanted someone to sit with for five minutes, grrrr). Thankfully Charlotte was there, but she wasn't feeling too good either, so I decided to go in search of company at the fleamarket, but it had all but finished. So I arranged to meet Dawn at Callis, as Rowan wanted friends over to play. So we ended up staying there till quite late in the evening. They went in the huge paddling pool, in the rowing boat, and picked fruit with Guy. It was lovely sitting there chatting with friends while the children ran around gleefully- they just love it there, they can be so free.

While we were picking raspberries there was the distant sound of a child crying, which my mummy-radar had just not picked up, being quite deaf at the moment. Guy heard it first and, realising that it was coming from the direction of the swamp, heroicly waded right across the swamp, while I ran round the edge of it. He wasn't in it, but was stuck. Fergus and Rowan had "lost him" in the long grass, but hadn't thought to tell anybody. Well, he was quite unphased when he got back to the raspberries, and continued to try to get me to leave him alone. On the way to the fruit bushes he had said "where are the rest of the kids? Stop following me". It's nice that he now wants to go off with the other kids and they do look after him (usually!). When I was watching my three running about together before, from inside of Dawn's boat, I imagined them as three Victorian orphans out of a novel- which one? not sure.

The kids got into making and burning smudge bundles out of aromatic herb twigs to ward off the midges. They're quite good, actually.

It was when I saw Freddie and Jago in the rowing boat, (in lifejackets) with Martin that I realised that I must have put my camera down earlier. Thankfully it was still on the windowsill in the Arts Centre when I called in on the way back home.

end of term

This morning was Joy's end of term party, and performance of drama and music. Joy stepped in as a zebra in "I am a lion", which the children wrote and performed themselves. There was food and chatting, and not nearly enough tea. I was given my gardening wages, which I have not yet looked at; past caring. It's the end of another era: no more Montessori school and gardening.

Not long after we got in Martin called in with Jago, which was a pleasant surprise. We haven't seen Martin for a while: fresh back from Glasto, with his very cool "crew" t-shirt on.

We had a triple dose of Jago (Meg's other brother, same age as Freddie), as he was at the Montessori with his mum, and later on Martin looked after my three while I did Tai chi with Tom. I met them at the Trades club, but Freddie wouldn't stay in there, so I had to take him to tai chi, where he whined a bit and eventually got into doing a bit of form, and high kicks, then decided it was time to go to Martin's house, phew.

Joy went to horseriding before we went down to Hebden. There had been talk, and texts, of a BBQ at Callis, but it really didn't stop raining long enough, and by the time I heard from Milly, during a brief semi-dry spell, I had already organised to go to tai chi. No Dave at Tai chi, he was in manchester. It was just me and Tom, and we did nearly as much chatting as tai chi, but it was good, anyway, I've nearly cracked the sword form now, I think, I'll be able to practice on my own, good. (maybe Dave will become obsolete then?). I know I should really be concentrating on myself, on my health, on my children and where I am going to live.

Anyway, I've got a sort of blindish sort of date with John One tomorrow night, which might take my mind off things. I was feeling very fed up with everything this morning when I found out that Brendan had gone away to Portugal with his new girlfriend. Not that I am jealous or anything. We went there when I first met him. No, I was fed up at being left with the children and no space for myself, which I seem to need a lot of at the moment. I'm still trying to recover and have taken another dose of the remedy, as instucted if I hadn't improved within two days. Well. I don't seem to be doing too badly as Martin was very happy to look after them for a couple of hours this evening and Meg is babysitting tomorrow evening. I just feel quite pathetic and lost at times, it all being too much for me. I'm sure things will get better. I suppose it could've been worse, being Friday 13th.

blob

I just went back in the kitchen and saw the sorry sight of my phonebook open and my phones next to it. I completely blobbed out and spent the entire evening on the phone and texting people- O, I haven't texted Meg yet... I made myself a barleycup (yes, I actually like the stuff- it comforts me). I suppose I should make the most of Meg not being here and get a relatively early night.
Today went a lot better. I took Joy to school, thinking we had missed the bus, but we hadn't, but wasn't too much bother really, I seem to be able to do it in my sleep. At least I didn't have my pyjamas on so I called in at Dave's for an early morning cup of tea on the way back. It's nice to see a grown up sometimes before starting the day.
This morning, back at home, the boys wanted to do some sewing, well, Fergus started and Freddie was compelled to join in, too, so I had to unpack another box to get the needles out. Freddie made a present for both grandma's because they are both sad. His face lit up later on when I said we could go and visit grandma; he could take the thing he made: what I found in the box was some binka and some think gold thread. Its a thing, a really good thing, it's a machine, it's for grandma. It's like a ball of scrunched up binka, but maybe grandma will appreciate that. The other grandma got a (rather nice) peg doll, which he was very determined to finish before we went to the group. (Hmm, determination, wonder where he gets that from, then?).
The group was pleasant enough, after the slight unpleasantness with the playgroup, who also use the room, but obviously think they own it and are oblivious to anyone else using it. I called in while they were still there to ask them if they could please leave our chairs out of thier locked cupboard because otherwise I would have to wait for Dave to come and open the cupboard. They obviously hadn't noticed that they had inadvertently nicked all our chirs and were quite sniffy about giving them back- it was too inconvenient and I would have to go into the loft to see if there were any up there. Really I should wait for Dave to do this too, because of, you know health and safety, but you know, I'm quite accustomed to going into lofts... What I really wanted them to do was just say: OK, on Wednesdays we'll leave you x number of chairs out, we can share them. I was really trying to be light and friendly with them, but they really hate having anything to do with me- the whole HE thing is obviously such a threat to some people. And they obviously don't reallise that I am on the Arts Centre committee and me and Dave and Dave (other committee members) are like that (*crossed fingers*). Ahh well, AGM next week...
So, anyway, the group was ok. Mary came along and did her singing workshop. It was really nice, although it wasn't really aimed at children, and they all drifted off towards the book corner eventually. It was nice to see quite a few Hebden people there, plus Lucy, who has moved a bit closer. Shame, there were a few children ther who were quite into singing but it was too difficult, even for some of the adults. They were just difficult songs to learn, only one was in English. O it would be great if Jude would come over and do some music with us- I'm sure she will do soon.
So, after meeting Joy off the bus, and bumping into several people, we went to the park, and bumped into a few more people there, which was nice.
Went home and made curry, at Joy's request, sat in the garden and contemplated making a bigger tai chi space. I might be here for a while yet, but realistically I can't stay here forever. I can't face putting house on the market just yet, but I'm sure I will feel better soon, hopefully. I just don't want to be rushed into anything.

did too much

Well it's thunder and lightning here; I'm sat in front of the big window for the full dramatic effect. But all is clam, now, in the house. The children went to bed fairly early and I've had a visit from Dave: did a bit of tai chi in the garden and a bit of a chat. Meg's just about to set off for Glastonbury; I should go and talk to her; she'll be 20 next time I see her... Ok well she's in the shower...
Well the last few days have been quite trying but everything went ok. The children went off with Brendan on Sunday afternoon to the pig race at the Blue Pig (like a duck race, only with blue pigs).
I drove down to mum's on Sunday evening with Meg. No-one else was there till Monday morning: my brother turned up and gave mum a lift to the funeral and I went with Meg. I picked some flowers from the garden with mum to take. It was good- I mean it was a good ceremony- I was pretty emotional but tried to keep it together as I was between my mum and Meg. It was a celebration of his life and some great things were said about my dad. He was a really amazing person. I have a few pictures- there were some I hadn't seen before of him building the house I grew up in. We went back to the pub and chatted to most of the family and back at mum's. Me and Meg stayed till about 9.30 so we didn't get home till 1am. It should only take three hours, but I got bored of dodging lorries and mooched around WHSmiths at Keele services for a bit- such a dodgy place- I never stop there.
Mel looked after the children on Monday- still haven't found out much of what they did then. And she had them for an hour this morning so I didn't have to get up too early.
I had a really full on day today which was more that I could handle really- I was quite subdued. I took Meg to the supermarket to get supplies for Glasto and dropped her off at college. Then straight on to my Job Centre interview, which went surprisingly well: I think they were kind to me because the knew about the funeral. The boys got a bit bored there but were generally good, supplied with crayons, paper and happy hippos.
Then it was the hospital with Fergus, which turned into a bit of a palaver, so an hour and a half later and pot-free, we went back to pick Joy up and take her to ballet. I went home then and this is where I lost the plot and started losing it with the children. I put Fergus in the bath to wash his arm, but also to calm him down and keep him away from Freddie.
Joy came home and saw to the remaining three baby rabbits, which are now opening their eyes, are all brown, and look really like rabbits, apparently. I had to have a lie down before finishing making the tea: I had started a stirfry and had to do that instaed of something a bit easier (or even easier) even though I was having palpitations for an hour and a half.
I lost it again just before bedtime (Meg was winding me up a bit and not helping, well she is a bit busy), but I got them in bed and went downstairs and calmed down before I could read them a story. So I did manage it, phew!
So, I got through today. Tomorrow's another day. I have the group, with singing workshop, and in the morning I think I will need to make a few phonecalls. It sounds like I'm back to square one with the house. I'm not really that bothered if I lose that house I was buying. I'm past caring, really, but I wasn't really attatched to it, and it had it's down sides. I went to look at it last night on the way home and it just seemed like: that was the house I was going to buy... I'm not looking forward to putting this house on the market now. Maybe there's no rush, 'cept I'm running out of money fast. Actually, I could get them to suspend payments- aha, might just do that.
I better go and see if Meg's got out the shower, and I think maybe I've got a text to send, is it three days yet?

I have a tiny baby rabbit on my lap. He had fallen out of the nest and was cold. I think the only thing we could do was warm it up and put it back. It seems to be ok- moving around a bit but I think its only chance is to go back in with the others, hopefully to be fed by snowball tonight.
Three of them died yesterday, leaving four, plus 'Lucky'. I was at my tai chi class and by the time I got they had thankfully been buried.
Yesterday I forgot to take Joy to school and ballet, but they all played really well and I got on with some packing. I don't think the free range rabbits are going down very well with the neighbours, so I caught Miffy and put him in the hutch for his own safety. They have guns for dealing with rabbits round here. The children were pretty free range, too, going on an adventure to the park. They were actually looking forward to the new house where there will be loads of adventuring to be done, being between the park and the woods.
Today we managed school, but lunched out on the home-ed group. I was feeling very raw and emotional and tired and needed to get on with stuff. The boys played quietly all day, fortunately. Fergus was particularly quiet and just wanted peace and quiet in his room with his dinosaurs. Dave came up in the morning to do some taichi- the theory was it would get me in the right space for getting on with packing, etc. But I was really emotional after he left- I think it was a bit too intense for me. I know he's trying to be supportive, but under the circumstances maybe he's not the right person to be doing that, as I can't detatch myself and neither can he. He can still go and see his girlfriend though. I shouldn't be bothered but I am. And I know he won't leave her- he would have done already, wouldnt he? Well, you don't know the story, and I don't want to go into it now, but you know how long I've been going to tai chi- six months. I don't know if the emotional turmoil cancels out the support I get from him. I just don't understand what's going on any more. I mean I would have been emotional anyway, and maybe I needed to be, and I did feel better after lunch. When every settles down for me I know I will be able to handle the situation better.
I did manage to get some paperwork done that had been really bugging me and claimed income support (with the Child Support opt-out, so I will have another interview for that). I am feeling a lot calmer now. I couldn't find the rescue remedy but have been taking Arnica 200, after talking with the homeopath, and she is going to make me up some bush-flower equivalent tomorrow.
Ok, Lucky's rooting on my arm, I think its time to try and put him back.

boing

Please don't ever say "boing" in that annoying way...

I didn't tell you about my tai chi day, did I? Well I didn't do very well- it just did my head in really. It was with John Higginson, who is really upbeat and full of energy and enthusiasm, a bit like an 1980's kid's tv presenter. He talked a lot. I'm not sure if I learned anything as I was really struggling all the way through- he just kept on getting us to do excercises, which seemed pointless to me, and it annoyed me when he said the same thing over and over again, like we hadn't heard it the first time. I think I had thought it was going to be more advanced, and what I definately needed was to just do tai chi, not a load of excercises with talking. It got really too much when he kept saying "boing", trying to get people to be more bouncy, but he just kept on saying boing, boing boing, all the way through the form and I had to go an the kitchen and have a cup of tea. Ann, the serious taichi teacher was pouring out a pot of green tea and I grabbed a normal tea bag and put in in a cup. I told her if he says boing one more time I'm going to boing him, and she did laugh. I think I like her.

During the tea break someone told me it was better than their class as the teacher doesn't say much and you just have to follow what he does most of the time. I said that sounded ok to me. It turned out he has the same teacher as me and I shall really appreciate Tom now.

I was really tired as I haven't been sleeping well and it all seemed a bit surreal. I really thought I was in an episode of Little Britain with Matt Lucas doing a really good piss take of a taichi teacher (a bit like the hypnotist). I knew I would find it funny afterwards but it was quite excruiciating to be there. John is obviously very accomplished, but I just wasn't in the right space for that. Dave told me that he had walked out of one of John's workshops in the past. I lasted till 3 o'clock, and then had to come back in because I couldn't find my car keys. I ended up finding them at Dave's, where I fell asleep, which was a really bad move as we are really just friends, but I am in such a vulnerable state right now and he came back to find goldilocks still asleep and I ended up leaving slightly emotionally, well, gutted, really.

I had a quiet evening in after getting the children to bed. I stopped shaking about 11pm and went down to the Trades Club for a couple of hours, a couple of Warsteiner shandies (sacrelidge!), and a some lovely friends. I still felt gutted, but at least I'm under no illusion about my friendship with Dave being anything more than that (today). I was, then I wasn't, but being so fragile can make you so needy. I don't think I can see him now- because I always fall for it and then get disappointed. I've got to be so strong. I will have to go to a different Tai chi class (Ann's) but that's ok. Don't know who I'm going to help me move my plants now.