fashion scooters and PJ's

Was it just my half-awake Monday morning imagination or have I just spotted a new fashion trend? While I was still bleary-eyed in the co-op, buying my breakfast, I spotted a man wearing a kid's scooter casually flung over one shoulder, whilst perusing the papers. (Why do people have to peruse papers? and how do people have the energy to peruse papers standing up at 9am?). And he was not waiting for someone, oh no, for this was I man who had just dropped his kids off at school and was proudly sporting the lifestyle badge. This is not the first time I've spotted this phenomemon. There is a man I see at school doing it all the time.
Ok I'm being stupid and taking things a little bit too far. I just couldn't help feeling a little bit self-conscious in my beanie pulled over unwashed hair and no make-up, not a good look for me, not to mention the baggy jeans and top and that jumper-jacket I bought during the two-weeks of snow, when I was so cold I thought I might die. Especially when there are proper ladies who wear proper coats and have reasonably well turned out hair, managing to find the paper bags youre supposed to put the pastries in delicately using the tongs provided. And here's me fumbling around with the pooper-scoop bag provided by the Quorp for putting vegetables in, and contemplating using my fingers to pick up my maple and pecan plait, which I had to buy as well as musli because I was so hungry by then. If only I had had a kid's scooter over my shoulder perhaps I could have convinced myself that people weren't noticing anything else. But only a man could carry this look off, so to speak. I did, hovever then look twice when I noticed a woman marching down the street clutching a folded buggy: childminder.
And then I get home and read this article about people being banned for wearing PJ's in Tesco this about  sovenly mothers wearing PJ's to drop off kids at school. Don't these people realise that wearing PJ's is a fashion/lifestyle statement?  I can't say I read the popular magaizines about celebrities. I don't even know what they are called: Hello? But I'm sure its has been a well-known fact for years that celebrities are seen out at the school gates wearing PJ's (designer) and Ugg boots. People are just following this trend, people! get with the programme! Furthermore PJ's are comfortable and OK to wear all day at home and if you're just nipping out why not? Of course they are wearing knickers! Well, I can only speak for myself here, but even if they aren't there is no crime in not wearing underwear. The man with the scooter could have been commando for all I knew, (and he may well have been perusing Hello! magazine.)
Ok I don't actually go to school or the supermarket in my PJ's, well, not without something over the top of them, if which case I wouldn't get out of the car! I did go up to the stables in PJ bottoms only 2 days ago, but it was dark, and my daughter has a mobile. What I wore this morning are really Sunday clothes, what I would prefer not to be seen in, and no bra either, (although I don't need one that much!). They are what I find at hand to pull on quickly, especially when I know there is some serious Monday morning slobbing to be done when I get home. Ideally by 3 o'clock I am properly dressed; I may even have had a shower. I like the PJ idea because it states more clearly that these aren't my proper clothes!
OK so why the sudden obsession with fashion? Well, I did just watch "The Devil Wears Prada", followed by a channel 4 documentary on the editor of US Vogue magazine. Also I have been reading quite a lot of fashion magazines, having been ill in bed and there being a dearth of home magazines. I still get my grown-up daughter's Cosmo, and she gives me her old Elles... Then I found myself actually buying them. (O gosh it's starting to sound like a seedy addiction). But when I was at DS1's piano lesson the other day, his teacher noticed my fashion mag and without me having to say much he remarked that it was CPD: continuing proffessional development. In other words I get fashion magazines because I am, in fact, an unemployed fashion designer. (I think he must have known that- nice of him to remember).
Now this is a fact that has been gradually dawning on me over the last week or so. I have spent the last ten years exclusively bringing up children with little thought or time for career notions. In September, when they had all been at school for a year, I decided it was time I did something that was not just about them, but about me and work and personal fulfilment. I had spent the previous year doing up our new house and working towards getting a room I could work in from home. This took me form September till July. By then I could not remember what I had planned to do in that room. I had vague notions that I would do a bit of sewing, but also something a bit more creative than patching boys' trousers. In the summer I got the form to enter a local fashion show but I never got round to making anything- still doing the house. Last October I started life drawing and printmaking classes and decided that after all these years I was doing something I was good at. I am good at it. But I am still not convinced I am an artist. I spend much more time doodling ideas, sewing, playing my guitar. Art suddenly seems like college work that I have to do. I will spend hours mending a knitted blanket, working out ideas for a new dress, rather than drawing or making printing plates. I am actually a qualified fashion/textiles designer but by the time I finished college I was so turned off by the fashion industry I never wanted to do it again. But it's what I do. I thought it was all so superficial and useless, but, come to think of it, how useful is art, and who buys it? Everybody needs clothes, right? And cushions... OK, maybe I need to refine my reasoning a bit... I always cringed at the idea that I was good at sewing because I was a girl and it's what girls do. But not all girls do. And somebody's got to do it, right?
... Ok more thought on that perhaps... Needless to say I couldn't find a stock photograph of man-wearing-scooter. Maybe I'll have to take one. Maybe that man at school will oblige. Maybe then you'll see that I am not a complete numpty but a cutting edge fashionista!

winter: enough already

Well the big melt came on Saturday, about flippin time as I know it looked pretty but it was making life very difficult. I don't mind the odd day or so of being holed up by the fire, but this was over two weeks. We were running out of coal! And when the schools opened I felt obliged to walk there and back twice a day, in snow and ice, which was seriously interfering with my dysfunctional symphysis pubis, thankyou very much. It's ok now, and I quite enjoyed the walking, especially when I reallised that it was way too slippy to go the ungritted back roads, in fact the only way to go was to walk down the middle of two A-roads, which can be accessed out the back. However my children are far too sensible (brainwashed) to walk on a road, but preferred to risk the pavements, which I think would actually have resulted in hospitallisation had I fallen as many times as they did.

And it was really cold! The sort of cold that makes you want to eat a cooked breakfast, followed by a really hearty stew and dumplings. (See pic, although I think you can tell it has gone cold and had been attacked by a hungry mob). The sort of cold that makes you fantasize about hooded jumper-jacket type things that look really warm and actually contemplate spending 60 quid on one, because it's a justifiable necessity. (...and yes i did). The sort of cold that hurts, especially when it the snow pricks your eyes when you're walking along, and the buses aren't running, so you get a taxi.
So, by Friday I was a bit of a run-down wreck. The boys went to their dad's for the weekend and I just sat in a torpor knitting a sock. I did find a hidden depth in the coal bunker and got the fire really hot on Friday night. I barely moved from the sofa till Sunday afternoon, apart from finally digging the car out on Saturday (no digging it just melted!), and taking huge amonts of uncollected rubbish to the tip, and stocking up on essentials in LIDL (Leedle, dahling). I knitted round an entire perfect heel of a sock before I reallised I had used the wrong size needles.

So here I am, back on the sofa. I am still taking it easy on myself, not giving myself a hard time for driving the school run. I think I was so wiped out over the weekend because I hadn't had time to recover from the nasty cold and the whole snow-thing was pretty hard work really. The ME clinic called to cancel yesterday's appointment, which is probably just as well, as I was let down over childcare at the last minute, in a snow- related change of plan.

So we seem to be back to normal, finally, after a month of extended holiday, and a bit of a slow start to the week due to Freddie having an awful sounding cough and not going to school Monday, so I missed yoga :( Course he was fine by lunchtime. Also Meg has flown over to the west coast of Ireland to bury her grandma today. I hope she's ok- I know she's a big girl now, but it is a long way to go by yourself.

Right. That's an hour's worth of faffing, I only have another before I have to go out again. It's supposed to snow again, and it's looking very grey...

saved by the yoga mat and panic buying

Monday morning. Yuck! The boys were up and dressed earliest ever, new alarm clocks worked then ;-) I had a bad night's sleep and was excessively tired. Didn't stay up late, just played my guitar and croaked, then gave up and played mouth organ (yes I have a harness, which I customised as they are made for men!).
It took us at least 45 minutes to get to school. The road was all slippery slushy black ice, in fact the pavements all the way were treacherous and I did find myself walking along an A-road. The boys both fell over at least once. Joy phoned me while I was teetering down the slope to tell me she had been at the bus stop for half an hour, when three buses should've gone past and she was freezing and going home. So much for the EWO on my back for her 89% attendance last term SHE HAD SWINE FLU FFS! She said she's not bothered and she was ill every time she was off, so big deal. And to top it all  off when I got to the boys' school the secretary had a quiet word about their lateness and that she wouldn't say anything to the EWO this time and I said good job because she's already on my case- hmph! Does a day go by when I don't consider pulling them all out of school? No. It was never as bad as this when Meg was at school and I was much worse at the attendance/punctuality thing I'm sure.
Anyway, I got a lift back to town and all my cares were swept away by my lovely yoga class, which was quite rigourous, but just right. On the way back I did slip over on the ice but I fell "with balletic grace" and my yoga mat broke my fall...
I did finally manage to stock up on some PANIC BUYING in the co-op on the way back this afternoon- there was loads of really cheap food, and we got a taxi up the hill- Yay! Butter, and all things yummy!

drinking hot water- too lazy to add a teabag

I'm blogging now because I'm bored. bored of facebook, which is what I do when I'm ill or tired, which I am both. Nothing much going on, well it is Friday night and people have more interesting things to do. I could go to bed and read Margaret Atwood's The Tent, but I had been looking forward to Falling Through Clouds at the book launch this evening. I didn't have the energy but Rach said she would get me a signed copy- huzzah! (But why didn't I just get it from Amazon?)

So we had a lazy week at home. When I felt like I could do something other than lie in bed napping and lapping (laptopping, but lapping rhymed) I decided to mend a badly in need of repair blanket. Something I can never really be bothered to do, and leave it till a rainy day when I've not much energy. Well it was a snowy day. Look you can't see it! haha, well, at least its not all raggedy.
The boys finally went back to school on Thursday, though Joy's school was closed all week because of the snow. So I finally got out and about to college, and out in the evening, which was nice, but now I'm paying for it as the cold has gone to my chest and making me feel really drained.
I am running low on supplies of food and fuel. Surprising how good I am at stocking up on food though; after going through all the leftover mince pies, funny cheese and stollen I have found plenty of soup ingredients and frozen pizzas. I've only just had to make some bread, as I did recieve a food parcel earlier in the week from Sean, who can't work because of the weather. Juice seems to be an issue, and although the children are quite capable of drinking water I had to persuade Freddie to have some, which involved spilling some down his pj's, which he was not very impressed with, but I was worried about him getting dehydrated. Me, I'm just drinking gallons of ginger tea, aka hot water with a few bits of ginger floating in it, which I only change about once a day and don't even bother adding honey now. I can't really be bothered to change the tea bag- can't really taste it anyway.
It's not as though I'm totally cut off in drifts of snow and shops are only 10 minute walk away, but I can't get the car out, and when I have been out I have been too tired and cold to actually go and buy anything (apart from cat food and a battery for my guitar tuner- those little essential things!). I'm sure there's a few veggies in the garden, but they are still under a foot of snow, and I've not been desperate enough to dig for them yet, (like sheep do in the snow to find grass).
I just did some washing, finally, but only hung up the urgent things: my favourite t-shirt and cardigan and the school jumpers. Watched way too much TV today- didnt reallise the Johnny Depp Charlie and the Chocolate factory was on, and The Simpsons movie. I think I'm going to give the TV back after Slumdog Millionnaire on Wednesday. It was good for Christmas, and it does keep me company and stop me feeling all sad and lonely, but I do have other things to do, and the adverts are starting to bug me- the kid's ones that is... they have been really good at not watching it, even when I was ill in bed, but now remember when the Simpsons is on... thin edge of the wedge? Anyway it takes up space and i want to clear the decks a bit. Can't wait to get all the Xmas decs and stuff tidied away. Joy took down the tree decorations, but it is still here with us, getting all hot and dry... somebody help me get it outside and watered!
Spent way too long helping Freddie make a model pirate ship today which was way too fiddly and is now gaffer taped up, in the hope that it will stay together when the glue is dry... Didn't make it to Fergus's piano lesson, unfortunately, so it will be 6 weeks in between lessons, but he has been doin a bit of practice, which is the main thing.
Now I really must get some horizontal rest. Amazing how much I need sometimes. Ah sure it will do me good.

sitting on the old school bench

I just wrote this as my Facebook status:

"One more day of school, one more day of sorrow. One more day of trudging all the way there and back twice and having to deal with all the paperwork and not having any time to do anything else... we'll be free tomorrow!!! haaa 6 weeks of unstructured autonomous home education here we come :)"

So yeah, I think I do have some thoughts and opinions about school and the whole education issue at the moment, and I suppose this is inevitable, this being the last day of our first year at school, I've been pondering quite a bit about the whole thing.

This isn't really Fergus's normal school attire, by the way, it's the school play, which was about evacuees, which was, incidentally an impressive fully blown, quite literally, all singing all dancing, production, featuring "key stage 2" children, all of the year 6 leavers having substantial parts featuring solo and duet songs, performed beautifully. This is in contrast to Joy's school leaver's show, featuring year 6 only, (about the same number of children, about 50) who did fairly impressive dance numbers, all together, but most of the children didn't get the chance to shine individually. So glad the boys are at the smaller school, which has a lot of time for music, singing, drama, etc, eg, all the classes do musical instrument lessons all together, as part of the normal day, not tagged on for the elite few who can afford it, as if it isn't really that important.

OKAY... this is where I write all the stuff that's been on my mind...ahem, ahem, take a deep breath... I can't remember any of it! Well I just read this post, which reminded me of something I wrote a while back, about it getting to the holidays, and expecting the streets to be full of children and suddenly it feels like a ghost town after the pied piper has been... What's happening now is the 6 weeks holidays are about to begin and I am so looking forward to not being restrained by the structure of the school day.
One of the reasons I sent them to school in the first place was my lack of energy, which I have now reallised is ME, and feeling incapable of giving the children what they needed. I was getting depressed as I was unable to keep up with the activities, other home-ed families, etc, as I often didn't have the energy to leave the house. This was fine on one level, as the boys were happy enough "just pottering" and Joy was riding a lot. But it was quite isolating; all attempts I made at networking on a much smaller area proved very difficult. We needed the wider area to find like-minded people- not all home educators are the same, and if there's a few in your area your'e not necessarily going to get on with them, especially when there's 4 of you. Anyway, I was struggling for whatever reason, and a bit depressed. I thought it was now or never, etc, etc. The point is, taking them to school at first was great for me. The routine was good for my head and I got out and mixed with a lot more people, had time to do things like do my house up, etc. But I got ill, for months and months I was ill, and by the new year I was run down. By February I was no longer able to walk to school and back every day. By April I reallised I had ME and decided to get a proper diagnosos this time (7 years after I first had the tests done). So, anyway, that's another story, but the end result for me after a year of school is I have an appoinment at the ME clinic next week. I can't quite work out whether school has had a good, bad or ambivolent effect on this, I'm still working that one out. But, one thing I do know: Not having to take them for 6 weeks is going to be a real relief. It's routines I struggle with, physically, as I have very erratic, unpredictable energy levels.
From the kids' point of view though, that's fine: if mummy's having a bad day (which shouldn't be so often now if she's not having to force herself out when she really isn't up to it), it's ok; we can potter about in the house. We can play in the garden. We can feed ourselves (shock, horror), well, an 11 or 8 year old can make sure a 5 year old has had breakfast, can even bring mummy a cup of tea if necessary. Mummy can take her time getting up, can make lunch and tea, will probably make something quite wholesome if she's not used up most of her energy on the school run. (Maybe I have overdone the school-run sociallising, it can be quite tiring in itself).

So, on the minus side, yeah, school can be quite hard work for us all- having to be forced into that routine. Just thinking I should look at the good and bad points really. But it's a double-edged sword (keep wanting to use this metaphor and it seems like the wrong one- like if it was a sword with good and bad bits, what would the good bit be like?), I mean, I do get the chance for naps and rest during the day, but then if I wasn't rushing out at 8.30 every day would I actually neep a nap at all?
I am now doing the school run in the car, which I hate and promised myself I would never do and I think it's bad for the children, but for the last 6 months I have been unable to walk it more than once a week, if that. Having said that we travelled to home-ed meetings in the car, but not every day.
We never have time to do anything: they are mainly too tired and just want to blob when they get home. They only have every other weekend with me so when they do they very eagerly get out the toys and games, but play on the computer quite a lot in the evenings.
I haven't really noticed any detrimental effects on the children, but was a bit disturbed by the school reports: Fergus has made great progress with reading but is pressurizing himself to "catch up" and I have to get him to slow down quite a bit. He seems to do better when he's reading inetersting books about stuff, which he's started to do, than plodding through the reading scheme. His writing is still "working towards expected standards for his age". They are still getting him to do joined up, even though the Ed Psyc agreed that this isn't the best way for some children to learn- maybe we will do something different during the holidays. There doesn't seem to be much scope for him to be acknowledged or develop the his strengths, which he certainly has, although the teacher does say he is very good, personality wise, and contributes much to lessons in his own way.
The same with Joy- amazingly she has reached average and above standards in all subjects, and has managed to "absorb much of the primary school curriculum" in one year. No acknowledgement of how amazing she is, how independant and self-motivated, and skilled in stable craft and equitation, not to mention graphic design and IT. Maybe they don't see this, but the school report can appear to be an all-round judgement, like that's a summary of all your child has acheived, when actually it's just like a driving test, ie, you are/are not good enough to do this particular thing, based on our essentially flawed system of assessment. Confidence was something else that cropped up, which surprised me, as she is very confident, but hey, being plungled amongst 50 other kids the same age, who've all been there for years, she's bound to have struggled a bit. They didn't mention that - I think she's done really well.

OK. Rant over. Let's just quickly run through the plus points (as it's nearly school-run time-argh!). OK they have learned lots, especially in literacy skills. The others were doing fine, but Fergus would not have got this far at home- I don't think he was ready. Friends- yes, lots of friends in and out of school. The routine has been quite good in some respects- we know what we're doing one day to the next, no roller-coaster rides there. Me- I've had time to do stuff in the house and they have lovely new bedrooms now. They are doing perhaps a broader range of things that they might not have tried out of choice, eg music, dance, sports. They all seem quite happy; Joy said last night home education was boring and she's looking forward to high school.

I might have missed a few points. maybe I need a list. Or a mind-map. :)

Yeah, stuff I've been wanting to write about for ages about what they have been doing at home- the home education continues; maybe that's another story...

to blog or not to blog

....that is the question.
...ok that was really not funny. I'm struggling: keep wanting to blog but don't know whether to start a new one or just carry on, or both... Don't ever seem to get the time to actually write down what is in my head and it's going to explode if I don't soon.
OK I'm just going out for a bit of fresh air, may even have a shower and get dressed, then I'll see. I am laid up with the laptop due to ME and sore neck/shoulder, so there should be some scope for writing at some point...

not bad for a Monday

Yeah, well, not a bad Monday, I suppose...

I set off with good intentions, having woken up late, as my alarm wasn't working, ie Fergus's watch was slow and he didn't bring me a cup of tea until five past eight... with a car full of stuff for the tip and shopping boxes. I got as far as the builder's merchants, after dropping the boys off, and suddenly needed a cup of coffee... So I stopped off at Sean's boat, which was nearby, and I had left my gloves there ;-) So, after a coffee and a chat and driving Sean back to Hebden, I reallised I needed a second breakfast... and then I was nearly home... so I decided to do the rat-proofing and shop later.

And I got utterly distracted at the guitar shop as I was walking back to my car... *drool* must have been there at least half an hour... I fell in love with a cedarwood semi-acoustic, which is...ahem...in the sale!

So, after a long and painful discussion last night about who I was going to get to fill in the holes for me, I just mixed up some cement and did it myself. (Go girl! you can do it!)
And, I found a lovely little plane, while I was looking for a trowel, which I didn't find, but found a flat thingy, good because Marky pinched mine. O thank heaven for exes, who leave you little presents to find in the future... ? (O jeez, I must have my rose-tinteds on today!)

So that's how I came to be planing the shed door to make it fit in the falling SNOW, as big as, well, this has been bugging me all day- what was it as big as? feathers? no, bigger... golf balls? well, that size, but obviously flatter and lighter! and they were going down the back of my trousers when I decided to cleverly adjust the plane, my fingers all red with cold and wire wool scratches, and covered in flakes of paint and snow.

Well, funny how I've been meaning to do that for ages... maybe I was inspired by the fact that Sean had made himself a whole new bed since I had last been there, which was only Friday night. And I hardly did anything all weekend, well I was resting :) But I have, with an hour here and an hour there, managed to just about finally finish moving stuff into the boy's new attic room and out of their old room, which, more importantly, is going to be MY room! The last bit was an enourmous pile of dollies and their beds/clothes, etc, which I went through with Freddie, whittling it down to... well, 3/4 of its size... eek! well, there's plenty of room under the eaves and it's sweet that he still wants dollies. He has a girl one and a boy one. which seemed to be his favourite - fortunately I found some dungarees (which he kept calling "tangerines") that fit.

O yeah and here's our new cat... she doesn't have a name yet, or a purpose, except for lying completely motionless on the sofa, so that even a slow shutter speed cannot detect any movement. Her other favourite past time is, of course, looking up at me and saying "Biscuits? can I have some proper food please, and some milk".

special guests at new year... while the cat's away

Here are some random pictures of new year.

We have survived the first two days back at school and I feel in control, I think: I have done washing, put the kids to bed, facebooked, and will be in bed by 11, all being well.

Yesterday morning I thought I'd never get up. I hadn't been sleeping properly since new year's eve, when I as up till 4.

Also there was the rat problem- noisy rats, keeping us awake at night. I discovered them a few weeks ago, pulled the plinths off the kitchen cupboards and cleaned everything out, and got a cat. So far so good. Then the cat ran off. And back they came. I actually saw one in the kitchen and that was it- I called in the DIY man to fill all the holes in the kitchen walls. Sor far so good, or so I thought... a few days later on news years day, when my kitchen was full of people, I had a special guest appearance making scratchy noises in the wall, but now higher up. And then they were under the bath... I thought I had to wait till the council was open, so cowered all weekend, after seeing one upstairs. (I still hadn't properly recovered from the flu at this point.) I moved all the children up to the attic and emailed a private pest control company in Keighley. They responded very quickly and came on Monday morning. So that is that, I hope. I really didnt want to use poison, but that is the only way, apparently.

Oh by the way, the council don't do it for free, it cost the same as the ones I got in. There is still a bit of noise, but not much- I can sleep, and Joy's back in her room now. The boys are staying in the attic now- it's finished! Just need to take the bed frames and bigger stuff up... manana...

And as for the cat... he was from the cat protection league, and had mental health issues, and I had to let him out after a few days as he was doing my nut, and I haven't seen him since. Someone actually phoned today after seeing the poster. I have already knocked on all the neighbours. But this was on the street at the back, which we are separated from by our garden and a huge communal garden and allotments. i went up there with Freddie this evening with more posters and knocked on a few doors, and had a snoop around some sheds. I had actually given up, knowing he is a ferral cat. The cat people told me I had to get a catflap, after the event, but I explained that this was not practical (I had already told them about the rats, and that was why I wanted him) (EF dont you have a cat?) So they said they were going to come and pick up the cat!!! I did point ut that they may have a problem finding him. I am considering going over to Haworth Cat Rescue, and being a bit more discerning, ie, don't just choose one that looks cute in the picture, and when you go to pick him up he is the one growling behind the sofa!!!

splendid isolation

I've spent the last couple of days not going out, after two days of being out in the snow and frost (pics on Flickr). I had Freddie at home yesterday and both the boys off today, because of the severe weather warning. No severe weather though. But it meant I didn't have to do the school run, and I could spend some time in the attic, in splendid isolation... It seems to be finally taking shape now and I have decorated half of the room.


I was woken up this morning by too many phonecalls between 8 and 9, because I didn't have the children and didn't need to get up, and was feeling sniffly and tired and was trying to have a lie in. So when I answered the phone with "what now, ffs?" it had to be the step-mum- the posh one, who gets them organic advent calendars. That reminds me of a song I heard last night that contained the line "I'm gonna feed our children non-organic food and with the money saved I'll take them to the zoo", which I found quite amusing, under the circumstances, as I've gone far from vegan nowadays, I'm not afraid to mention, but the boys won't even eat parmesan cheese...

Yeah, out of the potential 12 school days we could have had this week so far, there have been only 7, with at least one of them here every day. Joy ill, then Freddie. There hasn't been a day in the last 3 months without one of us being ill- have I said this before? Well I now have another cold and I'm going to go to bed to read my book, I think...

I just realised the word Hibernate is related to the French for winter, Hiver, so it basically means to spend the winter. I like hibernating, I think it's necessary.

...and I seem to have got a bug in my laptop, which makes the cursor jump backwards every now and then when I'm writing. How annoying, and how did I get that? and, more to the point, how do I get rid of it?

Ice cream Sunday

Well I think I managed to do a half-decent job on the boys' hair today, in readiness for the school photographs, having missed the barbers yesterday morning because I was just too tired to go out. It was just getting a bit out of hand: I must have cut about 8" off Fergus's at the back! and it's still not short, is it? He was complaining about it when he went swimming. Freddie had already had a fringe-job my step-mum, but he wanted to join in the fun, so I lopped off the remaining baby curls (don't weep) from the back and now hopefully it wont get so horribly tangled.

So here they are, enjoying a fabulous home-made strawberry ice-cream round at Meg and Si's, where we had tea, and watched Monsters Inc and Happy Feet! Well its our 2-weekly treat and we don't have a TV here, as you know. Meg's turning into a proper domestic goddess (with a full-time job of course!). Wonder where she gets that from, then ;-)

So, anyway, hello again, I'm back after two weeks. Feels like longer, actually, maybe loads has hapenned? Things have been a bit tough for me personally for the last couple of months, but maybe the bad cold has blown away the cobwebs. And now I'm getting some energy back- it really knocked me sideways that virus- I'm finally getting round to getting my life together, starting with the house.

Yeah- it's finally looking like something, the attic- I have had a few short bursts at it and now have a man helping me, which is making it so much quicker, and possible! Will show you soon, I promise.

I've been going out quite a bit, and sociallising...making up for all that time I spent up there on the hill with the kids, I suppose. And school actually brings me quite a lot of social time as well - coffees in the morning, etc. Also been spending far too much time on the internet, including the dreaded facebook! I finally reallised I had to come back to my blog when I was just overdoing it on facebook and almost treating it like a blog. Don't think you can see if your not a "friend" but there are photo's (thats just some). Must get back into putting stuff on Flickr again.

Anyway, OMG its gone midnight so I must go to bed already. See you soon. Thanks for the chat ;-)

Here's something to listen to... enjoy:-

testcard transmission: normal sevice will be resumed shortly

Last time I went to Boots they were doing three for two in the vitamin suppliment range so I bought three tubes of high dose vitamin C. Still more expensive than LIDL, but hey, it was nearer. Yes, I can pop into Boots any time: its about five minute's walk from my house. Hebden didn't used to do chainstores, but now we have the newsagents on the corner, oh I forget what they're called, and of course Ladbrookes, that landmark of respectable gambling, right slap bang in the town centre. And there are two Boots! I don't really rate it compared to the old chemist, but then, we have no choice now: Boots or Boots.
Anyway, the vitamin C: its a good job I bought all that because i'm on about 4g a day, due the the virus which has been reprogramming my thought processes and making me incredibly tired and lethargic. I just want to stay in bed. Freddie wanted to stay at home today and I knew the feeling, bless him, but I've been there before, wth me in bed trying to sleep and him sitting outside my bedroom door talking and shuffling and not playing quietly for five minutes, because I am ill in bed. I just told him he would be better off with those nice ladies looking after him: at least they talk! I think I know why I've been ill so long: it's because I haven't had any time off for years and years and now I have my body's gone into meltdown. I think what I need is rest and to do things that feed me.
What I have been doing is sitting in bed with my laptop, doing hours of mindless social networking. Ok, some of it's not mindless, it can be, in fact, meaningful communication. And I have needed some social contact otherwise I think I would have gone bonkers. Ok it's only a week, but it seems like longer. I was ill a few weeks ago, and seemed to be nearly over it, then blam!
Ok, I think i've moaned enough now. I don't think I've really got the brain to write anything intersting today. I'll let you know if I do.

unsettling news

Ok this is five minutes from my house. I still don't know who it is. Unsettling. Don't think it's hit the national news. I've been phoning friends to make sure they're ok. No-one's heard anything. Just counting my blessings...

bacefook

rosie is bleurhh
... is in bed with a hot water bottle
has put the washing on
had leek and potato soup and jammy biscuits
has no energy today
had a good weekend, without drinking
spent 2 weeks laid up with a bad back and wants to get on with it now
has rather a lot of apples
has a house strewn with books, bits of Kingspan, discarded clothes, random stuff
is achy and tired and fuzzy
is drinking ginger tea
has spent too much time on Facefook and needs to remember how to string sentences together
...but not today

more to do

Well, I've done kids drop off; had tea with Kelly, Susanne and the mother posse, and met the mum of one of Joy's horsey friends; went to Meg's house to facilitate freezer delivery, forgot her magazine, but picked up two boxes of her unwanted books. No doubt the kids will plunder later. I am now reclining on sofa with hottie and porridge. Have responded to the ten or so emails that came in since midnight, and continued to pour in by the minute. Done my social networking sites (!).

Now what? O yes, well, I still have a few things from Monday's to do list- like finish filling in school bus form- what a palaver- they need the bus stop number, which I wrote down on a bus ticket, again, yesterday, and the number of the bus: find on internet...

God, yesterday there was a woman with a clicker counting the people using the lolipop man. That's all she was doing- what a job!- I mean he could have done it himself, surely? Must be some excecise in assessing the cost-effectiveness of the lollipop man. But surely he's irreplaceable? I mean, a busy A-road. You have to cross it to get to the school if you walk or cycle any o the sensible ways from town. Only way to avoid it would be to cross in the centre and walk all the way up the busy main road which is yuck. I've done it a few times cos you can take a detour through some woods but it's a bit uppy and downy and there's enough of that around here, when you can walk along the level canal. which Freddie finally reluctantly conceeded to the other day on the way back. I've decided to do one journey in the car, especially if its raining, as Monday pick-up was a nightare- they moaned all the way back and started fighting at home- all stressed. I would have thought the walk would've got the stress out of their little sytems but it doesnt always work like that- they know there's the killer hill at the end, and start stressing thinking about it.
Anyway, yes, the lollipop man: Maybe they're considering putting a crossing there- that would put him out of a job anyway, wouldn't it?

So yes, and there's the de-cluttering to sort out. I have made a list of big toys and stuff like the ATP to put in the new baby nappy/sling shop/cafe. I think I need a shop to get rid of all my junk... well, I could put on here, tho I don't seem to have many readers at present...

ATP, rocking horse, wooden sit and ride horse, sit and ride bee, wicker pram, cozy coupe, tractor and trailer, metal trike, urm... some wooden cut-out jigsaw type things...so far.
I will have some young books too, when sorted.

Also- I still have to order the flippin Kingspan for the roof- keep delaying as have nowhere to store it and it keeps raining... hmmm? maybe get some plastic to cover it, or get smaller pieces?

Oh, and Guy has managed to potentially sell my surfeit of apples to the greengrocers for 75p a kilo. That can wait till next week- they are mostly still on the tree.

Ok best get on with that then...

yeah whatever

So here I am back in bed. Not feeling that great at the moment. Here's my horrorscope for today (Sunday) and you may get an idea about the state of my head:

Today may be one of those days, rosie, in which you don't know which way to turn. You are going around a rotary and none of the roads look good to you. For some reason, your car doesn't want to turn off so you keep going around and around and around. If you can, just stop the car and take a rest. Get out and walk around for a while until your head stops spinning. Wait until the air clears before you make your next major move.

yep. Thanks... maybe I should try the i ching instead...
I suppose it wasn't a great start, crying in bed, but I didn't actually feel miserable, just that it was probably doing me good. But I've been in a weird mood all day. Just kind of...unsetlled. I thought I was getting better, and I am better than two weeks ago, but the improvement seems to have stopped and I seem to have regressed slightly. O well, tomorrow's another day and I might feel better. Especially if i put the flippin thing down and go to sleep...

We didn't go anywhere today: the children were quite happy playing in the sunny garden all afternoon, sorting out the rabbits, mending the wendy house, etc. I even took my guitar outside and sang for a bit, which was nice and the only time I felt ok all day. Maybe I'll just do a bit more of that before I sleep... or maybe not.

I did have a bit of adult company this evening in the form of a Fringe meeting at my house, which I struggled to engage with fully, but I think it was productive.

I forgot to mention Fergus yesterday and his game. which involved a big map of the world, and some coins, and loads of writing down of numbers and lists and things: he really seems to be getting the hang of his letter formation, it's amazing, though needs to ask what a 'u' or an 'n' looks like, etc.

At least I ate properly today, well, quantity wise, anyway. Egg n chips went down very nicely with everyone followed by yesterday's crumble. I've made bread for tomorrow...

So, anyway, I think I'm getting tired enough to sleep now, which is good.

breakfast in bed

So, how are we doing? well there seems to be light at the end of the tunnel. I just reallised we have been in Mercury retrograde since, well since everything went a bit pear shaped for me, and it will soon be turning back to normal, thank god. It gets me every time dunnit?
Well Im currently languishing in my bed, having been brought a cuppa tea by Fergus. My back has been bad for over a week, so blogging and other laptoppery from bed seems a sensible plan. So all's well and life is good, but I have been crying my eyes out this morning. This must be all part of the healing process, I'm sure, and it beats what I was feeling like a couple of weeks ago.
I think we will stay in today, as this will be Joy's only day at home this week. She appears to be still in bed, after staying out till after 10 last night, (watching X-factor). I had a babysitter and went down the pub and drank ginger beer, and then to the Trades to dance to a funk band. I got in for 2 quid as I knew someone who knew the band, and rotated my hips in a figure of eight fashion to the music, in an attempt to ease the pain in my back. I hoped that no-one could tell what I was doing, that I was just dancing, but Rachel noticed from the other room. I was home by pumpkin time and retreated to bed with laptop and hottie, where I remain.
I'll have to get up soon and make pancakes- mmmm! I suddenly got my appetite back on Friday and made yorkshire puds, apple crumble and custard, but yesterday I couldn't be bothered. I've been trying to keep myself occupied all week with nice things to do, since the visit to the homeopath on Monday morning, at which I was told: you're just gonna hafta go through this and it isn't going to be easy... So I had things on every day- early evening things, eating tea with people, that kind of thing. Probably good for me also as I haven't been eating or sleeping properly for weeks. So the panic/anxiety has lessened, and the feeling of wellbeing has increased; its been a hard week but I got through it.
The children seem quite settled; they're really loving being at home all weekend- the boys are just playing and playing and dressing up and in some sort of fantasy game or something involving toys and a huge amound of mess, which we tidied up last night for the babysitter coming, but no doubt is just as bad by now.
Their new room in the attic is far from ready: I had to stop the DIY when my back went. Might just hafta get someone to do it for me at this rate. I'll hafta post the pics of what i've done so far... (o hold on...mum, can you get the duplo down?)- that's why I have to move them to the attic- more floor space for toys, once the eaves have been opened out. (I just reached down a sit-and-ride bee and Freddie decided to try it out...on my foot! ouch!). Anyway, can't wait to get the house all sorted out. I'm really on it now, but have had a week off. I need to order some Kingspan for the totally uninsulated roof. Once my back is reasonably ok I should be able to cut and install this no problem. Don't think I'll attempt any more heavy stuff again- my body just can't take it. Am planning to go to pilates possibly to increase strength. I've also bought a swimsuit (50p) to go to the sauna- hopefully that will be soon.

to do, and short dyslexia rant

My evening:

Go through all school newsletters, writing dates in diary.

Respond to email from daddy about all 3 parents evenings in next 2 weeks, plus dental appoinment.

Go through 2 bookbags in search of any lost letters and any clue about non-uniform day tomorrow, picking off bits of pear shoved in there by over-enthusiastic dinner lady, and glancing over the junkmail advertising playcentres, etc.

Notice unread reading books- my boys were playing outside from 3.30 till 7.30, thankyou.

Quick look at facebook, then blog.

Take washing out of machine and hang up, especally jodphurs, for tomorrow.

Maybe bit of myspace

Play guitar

Sod the washing up

bed with book if time

...Ok I seem to have got stuck in a loop between blog and facebook-well that's 5 items done anyway- others aren't that essential...

Went to see the ed psycologists today; pretty fruitless really. They don't do statements or extra help for dyslexics. Or screening. They just said it looks like he is dyslexic and the school is just gonna have to cope with it. It's the LEA policy that schools are dyslexia friendly. And that school does have the badge. They are managing by using the classroom assistant who is trained and experienced in dyslexia. Only problem is she is supposed to be there for the other children too, and other classes. Plus when she's ill there is no cover. They are doing a good job wth him, though, if it can be, ramming a square peg into a round hole. He's making progress, by finding coping strategies. He actually wrote a sentence yesterday that was just about readable, on his own, which is amazing, I think. He doesn't say "I cant", he says "i need help with this". They said he will get there, but it won't happen that easily; it will be long and hard. I suppose he will have to learn to read and write eventually. Shame he has to be forced into it, but hey, he doen't seem to be complaining yet, only like most kids complain about having to go to school: every day, apparently. So that's alright then. I suppose. Well it'll soon be half term.

Hey, I've done six things now.. jodphurs...bed

lazy weekend here we come...

I am so looking forward to the weekend when we can all be at home...
Fergus had a bad cold on Tuesday and stayed at home. I was already feeling a bit sad about the whole school thing, so it was nice to have him at home. He stayed off yesterday too, and I let Freddie stay and keep him company. It was so nice not to have to take them and pick them up and they played happily all day, Fergus feeling better in the afternoon. It was like old times...blub. I had a phonecall at 10 in the morning from the dragon secretary, asking why they weren't in and was Freddie ill, too. I just said no, but he's not five yet so it doesn't matter. I don't know... I wish we could do it part-time, but I've got a feeling that wouldn't be easy to arrange. But they all went back in today, which seemed to go alright. The boys did start moaning about having to go in on Monday, the novelty having worn off, but they've seemed fine when I've picked them up. I haven't been asking them much about it, just letting them tell me when they're ready. They seem to want to do this straight away, which can be difficult, as I said earlier, when you are walking down a narrow pavement on a busy lane. I think they all seem to be basically doing alright. I think I'm going to have to see Fergus's teacher again tomorrow about his work.
We go the bus in today, which would have worked out fine: it misses out having to walk up the main road for about half a mile, but we were sat on it for fifteen minutes waiting for a connection, and finally dived off and onto the next bus that came along. Freddie really moaned about having to walk there and back today. I had to promise an ice cream in Hebden, which is about halfway and we did the woods path to avoid most of the roady bit.
I think Freddie's coming down with the cold now, Joy's had it and I seemed to have just about fought it off with vitamin C. He asked to put his dressing gown on, over his clothes, which seemed to indicate how he was feeling. I know the feeling: I'm looking forward to a lazy weekend when we can all stay in our pyjamas!

more worry-ranting, plus a bit of light relief

(morning...)
OK, I think it's the pressure of Fergus possibly starting school (and this is looking like less and less of a possibility the more I think about it) that has forced me to think about his "reading difficulties". My attitude so far has been that if he's later at starting to read it's not necessarily a problem if he's not at school. It's only the school thing, and also some pressure from his dad, that has forced me to worry about what might be the reason behind it and what I should be doing about it. I only mentioned the word dyslexia to an ex-teacher the other way, and the response was: why do I think it might be dyslexia? Well, I suppose, actually, it's an obvious assumption to make that this might be the reason. After all, dyslexia is, as far as I can make out, by far the most common reason for late reading/reading difficulties, about 85%, I read somewhere, not sure how true this is. All I got from the ex-teacher was: it sounds like ASD, and everything I said about Fergus she was just nodding and smiling as if she knew and she hasn't even met him! My friend D hasn't said anything about Fergus and ASD, even though she obviously has some experience of it.
So, anyway, I did a bit of research last night and looked at the indications for ASD, which Fergus seemed to have none of, and dyslexia, which he seems to have loads of. I also encountered a lot of writing suggesting that early diagnosis was imperative, as once a child gets behind he can never catch up, (which is what I get from my mum) and also the idea that if I child is taught using the "wrong" method, ie, balanced or whole word recognition, that can set up destructive patterns that can never be remedied.
(... later, in evening...)
So, anyway, none of this is actually helping; I'm just getting myself into a worried frenzy about the whole thing. I actually had a nice afternoon with the boys, after Joy had gone riding. We went for a walk into some different woods, which are only about the same distance away, basically at the other end of the fairly short road that our road runs off from the other woods, which is more of a river walk with some trees. This wood is a proper little wood, with a small stream that widens out into a mill pond and sluice, with stepping stones and ducks. The boys both rolled their trousers up and paddled and Fergus made a damn and threw sticks for the dog, while I leaned on a tree, and Freddie slid about climbing the muddy banks. we carried on to the top of the woods and looped back round to our top garden gate. Fergus thought we were going to end up in Old Town, but it was not too long a walk and we all agreed it would be good to do it again tomorrow!
Sorry no pics of woods today as someone unplugged my camera charger to charge their phone Gr!
Meg came round for tea, when I told her I was making pizza! and she and Si looked after the boys while I fetched Joy from the stables. Freddie is liking the 3 billy goats Gruff at the moment; I've gone back to the Ladybird Books Favourite Tales (series 606, o shut up you bookie bore!) Fairy Tales, in other words. We got bored of all the other books, but I ne'er tire of fairy tales. Fergus is still being read Tales of Redwall: Lord Brocktree.

things to do, eg sleep...

Joy did another horse show on Sunday and won four rosettes this time! Coming first in the Gymkana on "Spot", fourth in the obstacle course, a clear round in the 1' jump and through to the jump-off in the 2' jump on "Del-boy". I don't have any of my own pictures as I wasn't there, but she has, and no doubt she will blog about it (o no, it's got a sound track!). She was right proud of her rosettes. I'm glad I gave her the time to tell me all about it. In fact they all came individually to see me and had their little bit of time with me, after a weekend at daddy's, and after that went off and quietly went off and did their own thing for the rest of the evening, and got themselves ready for bed! I suppose they must have been tired after all that riding and swimming, but were quite calm- maybe I was calm when they came in- I was cooking my tea. Cooking always seems to make me calm for some reason ;-)
I had been having fairly pleasant weekend, which involved a lot of sitting round drinking coffee, and sitting around drinking beer (in small bottles). Last night I saw a rock covers band, which was saved from being an awful boy-fun noise fest by Antonius's voice and personality.

I filled out and sent off the school application forms, my extreme tardiness of this indicating my lack of enthusiasm for the whole thing. But I seem to have talked myself into this stage of the process, still being of a very divided mind about it. Maybe I am just trying to acknowledge my own limitations, and the fact that I have been finding it hard enough having the responsibility of being a single parent, let alone the whole Home education thing.
Yes, they do go to daddy's for 48 hours, every 14 days, plus a weekday night, for 14 hours-and-five-minutes precisely every week, as long as daddy hasn't got something more important to do. But I don't feel supported, I still feel the full responsibility of them, somehow. I actually got into a bit of a state about it on Friday night, when I wrongly hoped that this weekend might be an entire weekend, ie, till Monday morning perhaps, since it's a Bank Holiday....only to find that this wasn't at all possible or negotiable in any shape or form. So I dropped off the neatly packaged boys in their neatly allocated time-slot. I find this more unbearable than if I had them 24/7.
And I have done this before, remember, except Meg went to school, and I went to work, and there was only one of her. I find myself begging for an extra snippet of time for myself, as it would be perfectly reasonable, and do-able, and always getting the absolute refusal. Like he can use that power against me. Well, I'd rather send them to school, than have them used in that way, I'm sorry. if I really need more time for myself I'd rather not have to beg for it and be accused of using their own father as a "bloody babysitter". (Sorry, but only Joy, out of the 3 of them, that can read and it was me her that told me this).

Yes, and while I'm at it (saying things about the children I don't want them to hear!) I was talking to someone today that I don't know well, but who seems to know about this stuff, about Fergus and how I don't know how he will manage at school. I didn't realise how much she knew at the time and when she asked why I just said I thought he was dyslexic, or at least I knew he was a late reader, and how could he manage in a system that is based around being able to read by 8? So, out came her professional expertise and she asked me a few questions and told me it sounded more like ASD, and he could have a Weshler? test at the doctor if he wasn't at school. I did find this vaguely distaurbing, but was open to finding out more about it, especially since my friend, D know quite a bit about it because of her job and her son, who gets on with Fergus really well. I suppose the thing that bothers me the most is that actually Fergus is fine and as far as I'm concerned is a "normal" and lovely little boy. No, really, he is. He actually relates to me more than any of my other children, I think. He just can't read and write, and doesn't want to, and doesn't like big crowds, and doesn't want to go to school (I get the midwitch cuckoo big blue-eyed stare every time it's mentioned!), and has an incredible concentration span for listening to stories and watching videos, etc, and can focus really well on one thing, if it's something he wants to do....I think he relates to adults perfectly well; it's children, especially those who are behaving in a particularly brattish way, that he finds difficult to handle...but then, don't we all. But isn't school full of unreasonably behaved little people? I wouldn't want to be in that environment, so why would he? And anyway, what's with calling people ASD? I mean, he's not a problem to me- the only problem I have it that I worry that he spends too much time on the computer and feel I have to restrict his time on it, (because it's bad for your eyes, posture etc) and wish I didn't have to do that. Maybe if I understood more I wouldn't worry. But...
anyway, I'll have to leave it at that for now.... things to do, eg sleep...