saved by the yoga mat and panic buying

Monday morning. Yuck! The boys were up and dressed earliest ever, new alarm clocks worked then ;-) I had a bad night's sleep and was excessively tired. Didn't stay up late, just played my guitar and croaked, then gave up and played mouth organ (yes I have a harness, which I customised as they are made for men!).
It took us at least 45 minutes to get to school. The road was all slippery slushy black ice, in fact the pavements all the way were treacherous and I did find myself walking along an A-road. The boys both fell over at least once. Joy phoned me while I was teetering down the slope to tell me she had been at the bus stop for half an hour, when three buses should've gone past and she was freezing and going home. So much for the EWO on my back for her 89% attendance last term SHE HAD SWINE FLU FFS! She said she's not bothered and she was ill every time she was off, so big deal. And to top it all  off when I got to the boys' school the secretary had a quiet word about their lateness and that she wouldn't say anything to the EWO this time and I said good job because she's already on my case- hmph! Does a day go by when I don't consider pulling them all out of school? No. It was never as bad as this when Meg was at school and I was much worse at the attendance/punctuality thing I'm sure.
Anyway, I got a lift back to town and all my cares were swept away by my lovely yoga class, which was quite rigourous, but just right. On the way back I did slip over on the ice but I fell "with balletic grace" and my yoga mat broke my fall...
I did finally manage to stock up on some PANIC BUYING in the co-op on the way back this afternoon- there was loads of really cheap food, and we got a taxi up the hill- Yay! Butter, and all things yummy!

drinking hot water- too lazy to add a teabag

I'm blogging now because I'm bored. bored of facebook, which is what I do when I'm ill or tired, which I am both. Nothing much going on, well it is Friday night and people have more interesting things to do. I could go to bed and read Margaret Atwood's The Tent, but I had been looking forward to Falling Through Clouds at the book launch this evening. I didn't have the energy but Rach said she would get me a signed copy- huzzah! (But why didn't I just get it from Amazon?)

So we had a lazy week at home. When I felt like I could do something other than lie in bed napping and lapping (laptopping, but lapping rhymed) I decided to mend a badly in need of repair blanket. Something I can never really be bothered to do, and leave it till a rainy day when I've not much energy. Well it was a snowy day. Look you can't see it! haha, well, at least its not all raggedy.
The boys finally went back to school on Thursday, though Joy's school was closed all week because of the snow. So I finally got out and about to college, and out in the evening, which was nice, but now I'm paying for it as the cold has gone to my chest and making me feel really drained.
I am running low on supplies of food and fuel. Surprising how good I am at stocking up on food though; after going through all the leftover mince pies, funny cheese and stollen I have found plenty of soup ingredients and frozen pizzas. I've only just had to make some bread, as I did recieve a food parcel earlier in the week from Sean, who can't work because of the weather. Juice seems to be an issue, and although the children are quite capable of drinking water I had to persuade Freddie to have some, which involved spilling some down his pj's, which he was not very impressed with, but I was worried about him getting dehydrated. Me, I'm just drinking gallons of ginger tea, aka hot water with a few bits of ginger floating in it, which I only change about once a day and don't even bother adding honey now. I can't really be bothered to change the tea bag- can't really taste it anyway.
It's not as though I'm totally cut off in drifts of snow and shops are only 10 minute walk away, but I can't get the car out, and when I have been out I have been too tired and cold to actually go and buy anything (apart from cat food and a battery for my guitar tuner- those little essential things!). I'm sure there's a few veggies in the garden, but they are still under a foot of snow, and I've not been desperate enough to dig for them yet, (like sheep do in the snow to find grass).
I just did some washing, finally, but only hung up the urgent things: my favourite t-shirt and cardigan and the school jumpers. Watched way too much TV today- didnt reallise the Johnny Depp Charlie and the Chocolate factory was on, and The Simpsons movie. I think I'm going to give the TV back after Slumdog Millionnaire on Wednesday. It was good for Christmas, and it does keep me company and stop me feeling all sad and lonely, but I do have other things to do, and the adverts are starting to bug me- the kid's ones that is... they have been really good at not watching it, even when I was ill in bed, but now remember when the Simpsons is on... thin edge of the wedge? Anyway it takes up space and i want to clear the decks a bit. Can't wait to get all the Xmas decs and stuff tidied away. Joy took down the tree decorations, but it is still here with us, getting all hot and dry... somebody help me get it outside and watered!
Spent way too long helping Freddie make a model pirate ship today which was way too fiddly and is now gaffer taped up, in the hope that it will stay together when the glue is dry... Didn't make it to Fergus's piano lesson, unfortunately, so it will be 6 weeks in between lessons, but he has been doin a bit of practice, which is the main thing.
Now I really must get some horizontal rest. Amazing how much I need sometimes. Ah sure it will do me good.

first day of term

This is what it looked like from my bedroom window at 9am; it's still snowing. It hasn't changed much. This is where I have spent the last two days with a cold. Fergus braved it to school on foot. Joy's school was closed and Freddie didn't get up. The boys' school was closed yesterday, due to icy conditions: I had a barrage of texts at 7.45am confirming that, although I had already decided I wasn't taking them as I am too ill to walk 4 miles in this weather and I can't get the car out.
The boys appeared late morning in their dressing gowns, with their new sketchbooks full of drawings- it was just like old times, and, as if on the first day of term they suddenly switched into 'do something' mode. Not sure what Joy did all day, but she has been drawing a lot lately too (horses). They did go on computers in the afternoon. Their computer room is right next to my bedroom, so they were very close. That was ok. I was brought cups of tea and biscuits, and a box of tissues, and later on some bread. I did get up to make them some chips for tea and they got themselves to bed. Joy even did the washing up!
Joy and Freddie have both been out today- sledging? Ah... I took Freddie's sketchbook downstairs so I expect that's what he's doing now... No they are both outside still. He doesn't want to go to school any more. he's been saying that since September. I'm still a bit torn, I mean how would I do stuff? But I have managed before, it's only Thursdays and the odd Friday after all... no, actually it's more: there is shopping and and and sometimes I need to go to the doctors/homeopath, and yoga of course, couldn't miss that. It's not as though I can do all this stuff in the evening is it?

sitting on the old school bench

I just wrote this as my Facebook status:

"One more day of school, one more day of sorrow. One more day of trudging all the way there and back twice and having to deal with all the paperwork and not having any time to do anything else... we'll be free tomorrow!!! haaa 6 weeks of unstructured autonomous home education here we come :)"

So yeah, I think I do have some thoughts and opinions about school and the whole education issue at the moment, and I suppose this is inevitable, this being the last day of our first year at school, I've been pondering quite a bit about the whole thing.

This isn't really Fergus's normal school attire, by the way, it's the school play, which was about evacuees, which was, incidentally an impressive fully blown, quite literally, all singing all dancing, production, featuring "key stage 2" children, all of the year 6 leavers having substantial parts featuring solo and duet songs, performed beautifully. This is in contrast to Joy's school leaver's show, featuring year 6 only, (about the same number of children, about 50) who did fairly impressive dance numbers, all together, but most of the children didn't get the chance to shine individually. So glad the boys are at the smaller school, which has a lot of time for music, singing, drama, etc, eg, all the classes do musical instrument lessons all together, as part of the normal day, not tagged on for the elite few who can afford it, as if it isn't really that important.

OKAY... this is where I write all the stuff that's been on my mind...ahem, ahem, take a deep breath... I can't remember any of it! Well I just read this post, which reminded me of something I wrote a while back, about it getting to the holidays, and expecting the streets to be full of children and suddenly it feels like a ghost town after the pied piper has been... What's happening now is the 6 weeks holidays are about to begin and I am so looking forward to not being restrained by the structure of the school day.
One of the reasons I sent them to school in the first place was my lack of energy, which I have now reallised is ME, and feeling incapable of giving the children what they needed. I was getting depressed as I was unable to keep up with the activities, other home-ed families, etc, as I often didn't have the energy to leave the house. This was fine on one level, as the boys were happy enough "just pottering" and Joy was riding a lot. But it was quite isolating; all attempts I made at networking on a much smaller area proved very difficult. We needed the wider area to find like-minded people- not all home educators are the same, and if there's a few in your area your'e not necessarily going to get on with them, especially when there's 4 of you. Anyway, I was struggling for whatever reason, and a bit depressed. I thought it was now or never, etc, etc. The point is, taking them to school at first was great for me. The routine was good for my head and I got out and mixed with a lot more people, had time to do things like do my house up, etc. But I got ill, for months and months I was ill, and by the new year I was run down. By February I was no longer able to walk to school and back every day. By April I reallised I had ME and decided to get a proper diagnosos this time (7 years after I first had the tests done). So, anyway, that's another story, but the end result for me after a year of school is I have an appoinment at the ME clinic next week. I can't quite work out whether school has had a good, bad or ambivolent effect on this, I'm still working that one out. But, one thing I do know: Not having to take them for 6 weeks is going to be a real relief. It's routines I struggle with, physically, as I have very erratic, unpredictable energy levels.
From the kids' point of view though, that's fine: if mummy's having a bad day (which shouldn't be so often now if she's not having to force herself out when she really isn't up to it), it's ok; we can potter about in the house. We can play in the garden. We can feed ourselves (shock, horror), well, an 11 or 8 year old can make sure a 5 year old has had breakfast, can even bring mummy a cup of tea if necessary. Mummy can take her time getting up, can make lunch and tea, will probably make something quite wholesome if she's not used up most of her energy on the school run. (Maybe I have overdone the school-run sociallising, it can be quite tiring in itself).

So, on the minus side, yeah, school can be quite hard work for us all- having to be forced into that routine. Just thinking I should look at the good and bad points really. But it's a double-edged sword (keep wanting to use this metaphor and it seems like the wrong one- like if it was a sword with good and bad bits, what would the good bit be like?), I mean, I do get the chance for naps and rest during the day, but then if I wasn't rushing out at 8.30 every day would I actually neep a nap at all?
I am now doing the school run in the car, which I hate and promised myself I would never do and I think it's bad for the children, but for the last 6 months I have been unable to walk it more than once a week, if that. Having said that we travelled to home-ed meetings in the car, but not every day.
We never have time to do anything: they are mainly too tired and just want to blob when they get home. They only have every other weekend with me so when they do they very eagerly get out the toys and games, but play on the computer quite a lot in the evenings.
I haven't really noticed any detrimental effects on the children, but was a bit disturbed by the school reports: Fergus has made great progress with reading but is pressurizing himself to "catch up" and I have to get him to slow down quite a bit. He seems to do better when he's reading inetersting books about stuff, which he's started to do, than plodding through the reading scheme. His writing is still "working towards expected standards for his age". They are still getting him to do joined up, even though the Ed Psyc agreed that this isn't the best way for some children to learn- maybe we will do something different during the holidays. There doesn't seem to be much scope for him to be acknowledged or develop the his strengths, which he certainly has, although the teacher does say he is very good, personality wise, and contributes much to lessons in his own way.
The same with Joy- amazingly she has reached average and above standards in all subjects, and has managed to "absorb much of the primary school curriculum" in one year. No acknowledgement of how amazing she is, how independant and self-motivated, and skilled in stable craft and equitation, not to mention graphic design and IT. Maybe they don't see this, but the school report can appear to be an all-round judgement, like that's a summary of all your child has acheived, when actually it's just like a driving test, ie, you are/are not good enough to do this particular thing, based on our essentially flawed system of assessment. Confidence was something else that cropped up, which surprised me, as she is very confident, but hey, being plungled amongst 50 other kids the same age, who've all been there for years, she's bound to have struggled a bit. They didn't mention that - I think she's done really well.

OK. Rant over. Let's just quickly run through the plus points (as it's nearly school-run time-argh!). OK they have learned lots, especially in literacy skills. The others were doing fine, but Fergus would not have got this far at home- I don't think he was ready. Friends- yes, lots of friends in and out of school. The routine has been quite good in some respects- we know what we're doing one day to the next, no roller-coaster rides there. Me- I've had time to do stuff in the house and they have lovely new bedrooms now. They are doing perhaps a broader range of things that they might not have tried out of choice, eg music, dance, sports. They all seem quite happy; Joy said last night home education was boring and she's looking forward to high school.

I might have missed a few points. maybe I need a list. Or a mind-map. :)

Yeah, stuff I've been wanting to write about for ages about what they have been doing at home- the home education continues; maybe that's another story...

Hibernation

Well the groundhog he say six more weeks of winter, so that means more hibernation for me! I have been spending rather a lot of time in bed this winter, with colds, etc, but it's what I seem to need... I am still trying to shift the one I got a couple of weeks ago, got better enough to go out for 2 birthday nights out, one of which involved singing a duet with my birthday-sister Dawn, which turned out well, I think...

Well, I really cannot wait to be better and in good health, after 4 months of cold after cold- I have now started a health-kick, which includes no stimulants and lots of vitamins! Must get round to some fresh juices too...
Yep, have never really been fully recovered since the kids started school, which is ironic, as I did it for my own health as much as anything... I suppose the routine of having to get up and walk 4 miles per day, without changing my bedtime has finally taken it's toll- and I'm having to go to bed much earlier now, which does fit in with the not- drinking thing, which I restarted on Feb 1 after the Jan 1 proved impossible!
Talking of hibernation- I have been hibernated from the HE webring too, as there doesn't seem to be much point on me being on it, although I have not given up on HE altogether, I am not doing it at the moment...
Well, except when the school closes, like today, due to snow, and I end up with the world and his little boy round at my house!!! Not that I mind- it's nice to feel a useful member of society for a change!

O and, in case you weren't paying attention, I was referring to Groundhog Day, which was yesterday, which is Imbolc, or the mid-point between winter soltice and spring equinox...
so Happy Imbolc and watch out for those first signs of spring!

It's that time...

Well the boys have been in bed all day with temperatures and coughs. That's three months of school and they're completely wiped out! Well at last we have two weeks in recovery now. I have been making mincemeat for pies, during which Freddie sat on the kitchen floor in his pj's with a very big book, that has a CD, saying can you read this story to me, this page...and this page...and this page... so I said I would but by the time I'd fetched Joy from riding he was fst asleep in bed again. What are the chances of them sleeping through the night?

I am currently simmering apple chutney, which is refusing to set. Were the caraway seeds a vital ingredient, I wonder???

So anyway, the last few weeks have ben a bit busy, with all sorts of school plays, etc. Here's Fergus in his violin recital... (on right, yes he now only has shoulder-length hair)

I missed Joy's pantomime, in favour of watching Freddie's Christmas songs, but I was not disappointed... (big Santa)
(Just tried and failed to upload a video- OK its really wobbly, but I'm just amazed I managed to randomly hit the record button just as Freddie had his starring role!)

splendid isolation

I've spent the last couple of days not going out, after two days of being out in the snow and frost (pics on Flickr). I had Freddie at home yesterday and both the boys off today, because of the severe weather warning. No severe weather though. But it meant I didn't have to do the school run, and I could spend some time in the attic, in splendid isolation... It seems to be finally taking shape now and I have decorated half of the room.


I was woken up this morning by too many phonecalls between 8 and 9, because I didn't have the children and didn't need to get up, and was feeling sniffly and tired and was trying to have a lie in. So when I answered the phone with "what now, ffs?" it had to be the step-mum- the posh one, who gets them organic advent calendars. That reminds me of a song I heard last night that contained the line "I'm gonna feed our children non-organic food and with the money saved I'll take them to the zoo", which I found quite amusing, under the circumstances, as I've gone far from vegan nowadays, I'm not afraid to mention, but the boys won't even eat parmesan cheese...

Yeah, out of the potential 12 school days we could have had this week so far, there have been only 7, with at least one of them here every day. Joy ill, then Freddie. There hasn't been a day in the last 3 months without one of us being ill- have I said this before? Well I now have another cold and I'm going to go to bed to read my book, I think...

I just realised the word Hibernate is related to the French for winter, Hiver, so it basically means to spend the winter. I like hibernating, I think it's necessary.

...and I seem to have got a bug in my laptop, which makes the cursor jump backwards every now and then when I'm writing. How annoying, and how did I get that? and, more to the point, how do I get rid of it?

Wednesday after school Joy did cross country, ie, running round quite a big muddy field three times. She came 18th out of her year group out of all the local schools, after qualifying at her school to enter. I think that was pretty damn good, especially as she has not done anything like that before. She got her nice traners all muddy but I've got her some running shoes now. At parents evening earlier in the week her teacher said she was good at sport. They seem to be quite keen on sport a that schol so that's all good.

Thursday night Fergus's friend Jamie came round for tea, and on Friday morning it was the end of half-term assemblies. I could only go to one and Joy didn't want me at hers so I went to the boys' one. I ironed my mumsy skirt and wore a coat and hat, which looked daft, but it was good: all the classes did a little performance, singing, dancing, music, stories, etc. It was so sweet and none of your I'm too cool to do a hornpipe dance in a church because I'm nine. It is a lovely school. Freddie kept looking at me bt Fergus didn't even know I was there.

I spent the rest of the day with Kelly, lunching, recycling, and shopping, etc, and had a quiet evening in.

to do, and short dyslexia rant

My evening:

Go through all school newsletters, writing dates in diary.

Respond to email from daddy about all 3 parents evenings in next 2 weeks, plus dental appoinment.

Go through 2 bookbags in search of any lost letters and any clue about non-uniform day tomorrow, picking off bits of pear shoved in there by over-enthusiastic dinner lady, and glancing over the junkmail advertising playcentres, etc.

Notice unread reading books- my boys were playing outside from 3.30 till 7.30, thankyou.

Quick look at facebook, then blog.

Take washing out of machine and hang up, especally jodphurs, for tomorrow.

Maybe bit of myspace

Play guitar

Sod the washing up

bed with book if time

...Ok I seem to have got stuck in a loop between blog and facebook-well that's 5 items done anyway- others aren't that essential...

Went to see the ed psycologists today; pretty fruitless really. They don't do statements or extra help for dyslexics. Or screening. They just said it looks like he is dyslexic and the school is just gonna have to cope with it. It's the LEA policy that schools are dyslexia friendly. And that school does have the badge. They are managing by using the classroom assistant who is trained and experienced in dyslexia. Only problem is she is supposed to be there for the other children too, and other classes. Plus when she's ill there is no cover. They are doing a good job wth him, though, if it can be, ramming a square peg into a round hole. He's making progress, by finding coping strategies. He actually wrote a sentence yesterday that was just about readable, on his own, which is amazing, I think. He doesn't say "I cant", he says "i need help with this". They said he will get there, but it won't happen that easily; it will be long and hard. I suppose he will have to learn to read and write eventually. Shame he has to be forced into it, but hey, he doen't seem to be complaining yet, only like most kids complain about having to go to school: every day, apparently. So that's alright then. I suppose. Well it'll soon be half term.

Hey, I've done six things now.. jodphurs...bed

Flexischooling

Right. I'm now in Firefox, as for some reason Explorer is not playing with blogger. I don't know why Ive been using it, anyway.

I expect you're getting a bit sick of this but here's the boys in their full-school gear on Monday morning.

They were quite happy at home all weekend- The boys made these boats...


Joy did the next best thing to horseriding...this must have been Monday after school.
Anyway Freddie didnt go in today. He just appeared in normal clothes and said he wanted to stay at home and make a collage. So he did, after a baby chino, and before an ice cream (while I had a coffee, and a tea)- I did tell him if he doesn't go to school he'll have to go where I want to go. I quite enjoyed going to the market with him and getting all excited about the toys! I even bought myself a couple of intersting Playmobil figures! (OK more pics needed!).
Fergus went cross-country running at 4 o-clock, which involved running round a field with 100 other children from loads of schools. He came 52nd out of 54 finishers in his year. His friend dropped out, but I expect that was because he had cycled there. I've not been to anything like it since my own sports days, which I can barely remember.
O yes, the flexi...I'm so tired I can barely think...the children are going to their dad's soon, and I'm supposed to be going out, with matchsticks I think. I had to take Freddie in to tell the secretary he wasn't coming to school. We had to go to take Fergus. So she asked why, again. Last week I had told her he wasn't five so it doesn't matter. So she and the dinner lady tried to get persuade him to change his mind. For some reason I was nearly in tears by the time I was walking out of the school gates, hand firmly in hand with Freddie. I just don't think I should be expected to provide an excuse or reason for him not going to school if he's not five. He only started two weeks ago. He's been great, but it must be a massive shock for him. And I don't think it's appropriate for them to try to override my decision in front of him.
Fortunately Kelly phoned me before I had reached the car and we went and had coffee together. I know I've had other emotional upsets in the last week, like being dumped by facebook and text (that's for another time...), but this is the first time I've been so upset by the dragon secretary. O, I know, I haven't had a drink for... a few days...! so things are a bit more real than they were...
So, what do I do? make a formal arrangement for Freddie to go in four days a week, expect them to be 'flexible' at the risk of the rath of Mrs M, or what? if I put it in writing or email it will be read by Mrs M before anyone else. I suppose the teacher is the best person to talk to. But I havent talked to her like I've talked to the other 2's teachers. because Freddie has been expected to just fit in. The nursery parents (the 3 year olds that are actually together with the 4 year-olds) all had interviews at the beginning of term and the children have all started part-time: half days. Just because Freddie is older does that make it any easier for him to suddenly go full time? he is doing an amazing job, but I don't think they understand that he has not been left with anyone, apart from one of his parents, ever. And I think he was about 3 1/2 before I left him for any amout of time.
Anyway, they're in for a long day tomorrow: leaving daddie's at 7.30 for school's out club, and there's a birthday party straight after school, and Fergus has got swimming. At least the party's next door to Dawn so me and Fred can go and chill out there if necessary, if he can handle being on a boat after falling in last time we went there!

cursive

Freddie has been sent home with a sheet not dissimilar to this. His target for this term is to learn all the letter sounds. He knows all the letter sounds, so is that a good target?
Mind you he is struggling to regognise some of the letters when presented in this way. I mean just look at the r and v. And Fergus really struggles with this. I can see the reasoning behind it and maybe Freddie will cope, but is this really appropriate for an 8 year old, possible dyslexic, who is already struggling to recognise/differentiate letters? I suppose it does mean that, eg, b is not a mirror image of a d, etc.

I could cope with this, as the actual letter shapes are more clear, the upstrokes being secondary. I think having them all the same thickness leads to an artificial writing style: I've seen it. And anyway, it is print that they see all around them, so that is what they know. I think for reading it should be print, surely? Isn't this making it a bit too complicated for them at the beginning? Me and my two girls manged to move from print to joined up writing at an appropriate stage...
And what's wrong with the Montessori cursive anyway? it has flicks, but not the upstrokes, which, as far as I'm concerned are not actually part of the letter.
I just bumped into ed psyc H for a coffee, and had a great chat about this. She says most parents hate this- they seem to do it in all the schools round here from day one, although there are many incongruities, ie the alphabet curve (in print) on the classroom wall. The one thing I've seen in Freddie's classroom is the interactive whiteboard, which they have to drag their own name onto the cow (for milk-ordering!) each morning. It's written in a cursive font, but I think this is a lot moe readable than a single letter.


But really I am tending to think at the moment...

lazy weekend here we come...

I am so looking forward to the weekend when we can all be at home...
Fergus had a bad cold on Tuesday and stayed at home. I was already feeling a bit sad about the whole school thing, so it was nice to have him at home. He stayed off yesterday too, and I let Freddie stay and keep him company. It was so nice not to have to take them and pick them up and they played happily all day, Fergus feeling better in the afternoon. It was like old times...blub. I had a phonecall at 10 in the morning from the dragon secretary, asking why they weren't in and was Freddie ill, too. I just said no, but he's not five yet so it doesn't matter. I don't know... I wish we could do it part-time, but I've got a feeling that wouldn't be easy to arrange. But they all went back in today, which seemed to go alright. The boys did start moaning about having to go in on Monday, the novelty having worn off, but they've seemed fine when I've picked them up. I haven't been asking them much about it, just letting them tell me when they're ready. They seem to want to do this straight away, which can be difficult, as I said earlier, when you are walking down a narrow pavement on a busy lane. I think they all seem to be basically doing alright. I think I'm going to have to see Fergus's teacher again tomorrow about his work.
We go the bus in today, which would have worked out fine: it misses out having to walk up the main road for about half a mile, but we were sat on it for fifteen minutes waiting for a connection, and finally dived off and onto the next bus that came along. Freddie really moaned about having to walk there and back today. I had to promise an ice cream in Hebden, which is about halfway and we did the woods path to avoid most of the roady bit.
I think Freddie's coming down with the cold now, Joy's had it and I seemed to have just about fought it off with vitamin C. He asked to put his dressing gown on, over his clothes, which seemed to indicate how he was feeling. I know the feeling: I'm looking forward to a lazy weekend when we can all stay in our pyjamas!

all change...

So, we survived the first week of school. I was really pleased that they all were so enthusiastic and seemed to settle in very well. We managed to do the half-hour walk (only 10 minutes for Joy) every day without being late. No, in fact I think we drove in on Friday as it was really raining plus I had left my car in a place where it would have got a parking ticket in the morning. I have also picked them up a few times in the car, to try and soften the blow, but not all the way there because parking on the lane just makes it so unpleasant for people that are walking (gr!) It's so hard to negotiate the narrow pavement with car doors opening into you and chatting with your children with all the 4x4 engines revving, well, just forget it. But I know now that ten minutes is not enough time to do it in, if I park just off the main road. We drove in today because I slept through the alarm and woke five minutes before we had to set off. Oops. We have to cross a busy road and I don't know where the lollipop man was today- fortunately there were loads of other people crossing, as Fergus had run ahead.
I had a chat with Fergus's teacher about the extra work and help he is going to get to try and 'catch up' with his reading and writing. We shall just have to see how it goes. I think we have an appointment set for October for an external assessor. Joy's teacher phoned me up- I missed the call, but he wants me to go and see him, too.
Anyway, I didn't have time to do a birthday party for Fergus, but, somehow it just happened anyway... I just asked a few people round for birthday cake, and what happened was ten boys in my house! Just as well I had slipped into party-mode on the day and done pizza/hummus/chocolate cake making and bought a few crisps and balloons: what else could you possibly need? we did make-your-own pizzas, which meant that it wasn't just one long cushion fight for two hours, and he had some lovely presents. I found three pairs of lovely Boden trousers in a charity shop for him (pictured!). The cake was Crazy Cake with strawberries on top- yum.

Last week I kept myself busy, running round like a blue-arsed fly, having coffees with mums, and charity shopping, just in case I started feeling weird and worrying. So, today I've just been at home on my own doing one of my favourite things... I know I could've done this at the weekend, but somehow I just wanted to chill out, go drinking, chat and do nothing...

first day

...We survived it. No tears. Look at those smiling faces.

I was in a bit of a state last night, in case you didn't notice. I went to get chamomile tea to calm my nerves, but they only had Guinness ;-)

Hence I was in a bit of a haze all day, which I'm sure helped it all run smoothly, because it was me with the nerves, really. Well, Fergus didn't sleep very well, but woke up bright and early and they came in to wake me up at 7.30, all in their uniforms, with a cup of tea.

Anyway, it was a good half hour walk, dropping Joy off on the way, the pace being a bit too fast for Freddie. So, we allow 40 minutes tomorrow? I think I'm going to find out about the school bus...

Good bits: there were two other new children at the reception, and we knew them both. One being the same age as Fergus, and I know his mum and dad, but, for some reason didn't know he was also starting the same school. The other one was another boy who's mum I've known for years, but has been home educating in France, and has come back and is living on our street! (And I hardly know anyone on our street, it can be a bit unfriendly...)

We did see quite a lot of other people who I've known or met before at playgroups, etc. And I was given some more uniform bits.

The teacher thought Fergus was a girl, but I'm not sure that he actually noticed her mistake, which I quickly and subtly corrected. I mean, honestly, They were expecting a boy, he has a boy's name and was a boy in boy's clothes. The only thing was his long hair! I asked him if he minded the older boys teasing him in the playground, whether it upset him or he just thought they were stupid. He just thought they were stupid. And I asked him if he's rather go to the other school, where there are lots of boys with long hair and he said, no, he doesn't care if he's the only boy in the school with long hair, which he isn't anyway. There's one in Freddie's class, anyway...

The nursery assistant went on a bit, telling me about stuff like book bags and what they are for, etc, and I had to stop her and point out that I had done this before, but Freddie hadn't. This was his first day ever at school and she was talking to me! Standing up, so he couldn't even hear. I found some stickle bricks and left him with them. I saw his teacher after and made sure she knew also thas this was the first time he had been left anywhere, and she seemed surprised and said he was doing very well in that case. He seemed to have had a good day and get on with the other children, although they both said the teachers were "annoying" (!)

I haven't talked much to Joy as she went up to the stables as soon as we got back, but she seemed to enjoy it. We had bumped into some other horsey girls on the way, that were in her class, and who had thought that Joy was much to old to be going to junior school. Her teacher was there when Meg was, eleven years ago, but hasn't reallised the connection yet. He was my favourite one there (and one of the few that didn't leave in the wake of the damning Ofsted report).

Anyway I can't go on writing, as I'm way too tired and need to sleep. Have been feeling strange about the whole thing, but trying to focus on the positive. It hasn't hit me yet. But if they are happy, maybe it's me I'm worried about. It's shaken me up quite a bit. But at least I'll have the time to think about what I want to to next, to try and get done all the things I've been wanting to do, and have the space for myself that I've been craving. As for this blog, I don't know. Suppose I'll carry on in some way, but the blogrings? I should leave them but I can't remember how to go about that right now...

the day has come...

They start school tomorrow. I phoned the head today and had a chat, which made me feel better about it all. Found out they have a compulsury uniform! (well, all the kids wear it and it's VA, so maybe they can be compulsary, anyway, you just gotta do it really). I knew there were jumpers (obviously didn't take in much detail when we looked round *roll*) so I had asked around and arranged to meet a friend of a friend with the friend at 5 today. So we did a quick charity shop sweep of Hebden, well the three that are on the street where we were having baby chinos with some other friends (not, me, I had licorice tea; too much caffeine: bad for nerves). Can you beleive it, Shelter don't stock uniforms- they send them away to third world countries- well, fat lot of use your logo-shirts there, but anyway we got two plain white t-shirts, which will do under the jumpers instead of polo shirts. We tried Valet stores, which sells everything, apart from school uniforms, except for Calder High, and ended up at the most expensive shop in the universe, the only one in Hebden the sells children's clothes, and managed to find the only two pairs of black-or-grey trousers at half past four. We went to rendezvouz point to pick up jumper (Fergus's doesn't have a logo, and we already had it, but it's the right colour and it will do!). I think Freddie will grow out of the expensive trousers in five minutes or they will shrink in the wash, but hey, if we'd driven over to Asda we'd have got something cheaper plus a load more things and i would have been severely frazzled by now, instead of very frazzled.

We did get very wet, and the rendezvous place was shut, so we waited under sun umbrellas and made a dash for it, except it's useless trying to dash up the north face of the Eiger, only trudge soggily. the sun came out as soon as we got home, of course, and Joy had already taken in the dampened washing. So now I have the heating on to dry Joy's clothes. She was a bit miffed at not getting anything new, s she doesnt have to wear a uniform at her school, but she does had plenty of clothes which she doesnt wear much, living in Jods or pj's, mainly.

So we did have a trying on session, which must have taken over an hour, as I had to find stuff like PE kits, which they all found very exciting. Even Fergus seems excited now. Daddy called in with their shoes, which were bought for his wedding, and which I have never seen before.

Anyway, I'm rambling on about this as I am feeling so anxious. Like, like more nervous that when I took my driving test 25 years ago, or, I dunno like what, more than when either of the girls went to school. I can't remember my first day. I need something to calm me down, like a drink, or, chamomile tea... the shop shuts in approximately ten minutes. I might just hafta go and get some, plus milk for the morning... o no, the morning!...

school

And the news is... I have got them all places at school.
I just did it today, it has taken ages, mostly just getting my head round it. Part of me is wondering whether I am having some moment of madness which I will regret, but I am starting to see it in a more positive way. I have to, for them. I suppose, really, I have been thinking about it ever since I moved house, ten months ago, well maybe not that long. And it was a long hard winter. And a long wet summer, when I was hoping things would get easier. But it all got worse when the stables thing fell apart. Joy's still going up most days for a couple of hours, but she was going all day, and seems to need to be doing something at all times. I know, it's a temptation to fill up their lives with activities and not give them the time to get "bored", which they need, but the child is, honestly, a walking tornado of energy.
I suppose, I'm thinking still, there's no reason to send them all, just sending Joy would make a big difference. But I have been so burnt out, I think I need a rest. And it seems like a good time to do it: Freddie is quite into the idea now, and he will be starting reception class, and it will be easy, I think. Even Fergus is now prepared to give it a go ("for just one day, to see if I like it"), well, it's a start. We can only try it and see. At least we all no that there is another option and we know what it's like, so if it doesn't work... we shall have to see.
We went round to Josee and co's today, for birthday cake, (they're all HE now) and I felt like I was letting the side down a bit, but she made me feel ok about it, and was quite supportive. There's still a bit of doubt in my mind and I said I would think it over at the weekend and let them know on Monday. They start on Tuesday.