This was a happy moment that happened during the three days that I have been away: all my brothers and sisters were at the hospital on Tuesday. We all found ourselves round a canteen table at one time and someone had a camera and took everyone elses email adresses. We don't see each other that often; this was a rare occurrance. You can't tell that most of us have been crying, can you?
Dad died on Wednesday just after 7pm. I had been with him all day from 8.30, after my mum and big sister had been there all night. I just went back to my mum's to pick her up at tea time- she had gone home for a rest. When we got back he had just died. There had been someone with him all the time- we had taken it in turns. I did get the chance to talk with him on Tuesday. I did all I could do. On Wednesday night, those that were still there went back to mum's and talked, drank, laughed, cried and I made a slap-up meal at 11 pm as no-one had eaten all day. It was how it should be- you don't know what to do in these situations until it happens.
Thursday I stayed with mum and big sis and helped to start making the 'arrangements'. I had to leave in the evening for the 3-hour drive home, as I was getting anxious about the children.
Today has been really wierd- I wasn't coping well this morning, but went to work, which helped a lot, being in the garden and around people. I had tea at a friend's and drank too much wine, which is probably helping, although I don't usually drink, so hope I feel allright tomorrow, for my taichi day!
And no definate moving date now- they're not even suggesting that it could be possibly be next week- at least I should have time to get packed now. It all seems too much at the moment and I hope I don't fall apart when it happens.
The kids seem to be taking all all in their stride, thankfully.
I sang all the way down the motorway- this is what had popped into my head as I pulled into the hospital:
There's a dark and a troubled side of life
There's a bright and a sunny side too
Though we meet with the darkness and strife
The sunny side we also may view
Keep on the sunny side
always on the sunny side
Keep on the sunny side of life
It will help us every day it will brighten all our way
If we keep on the sunny side of life
Oh the storm and its fury broke today
Crushing hopes that we cherish so dear
The clouds and storm will in time pass away
The sun again will shine bright and clear
Let us greet with a song of hope each day
Though the moment be cloudy or fair
Let us trust in our Savior always
To keep us every one in His care
9 comments:
In deepest sympathy Rosie.
I drank like a fish when my dad died last year..it is a way of 'self medicating'..and to be truthful, if I hadn't of had the alcohol ...I would have needed something else (valium or similar) to cut out the pain. It was just too painful in the first months.
After the initial shock wore off and the grief moves on to the daily realisation that a dearly loved one is no longer here in person, there is plenty of time to experience the waves of pain. Getting accustomed to the feeling of loss takes time.
I still have days where the grief and panic hits me like it is all fresh..and then go for weeks now where I am not crying or sad at all...but it took a long few months before I could have a day not threatened by the shadowy depths of grief.
The first days and weeks after someone very close dies are unlike any other time we have. It is an extreme test of us to be able to get through in one piece.
The song was lovely and brought a tear to my eye.
Thinking of you during this tender time.
(((((ROSIE AND FAMILY)))))
Believe in yourself Rosie, you need to show yourself the same consideration that you are showing others, I hope that very soon you will be sitting in your new garden gazing at the moon and feeling warm and safe.
(((Rosie))) - thinking of you all.
Can't think of anything non cliched to say but thinking of you.
(((Rosie))) So sorry about your dad. I know how hard it is, but the cherished memories kept me strong and a smile on my face through the tears. Lovely song by the way. I hope your spirits stay high. Lovely family photo too :) Thinking of you all xxx
Thinking of you and sending lots of love xxxx
Thankyou so much for your warmth and friendship. I am still fighting, and it helps to be bouyed up.
I'm sorry to hear about your dad. Thinking of you; I know this is a difficult time.
Coming a bit late to this, but sending love and condolences. I hope you're looking after yourself xx
Brave new world for you, Rosie.
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